Over January I spent five weeks in a drug and alcohol addiction treatment centre. The treatment I received was excellent and I have been clean and sober since (got my three month 'chip' a few days ago).
I met a man there whom I felt a very strong attraction to. He is married. Nothing happened between us at the centre, there was no disclosure of any feelings, but the chemistry between us must have been obvious to others I think as the staff voiced concerns about us seeming 'too close'.
He left treatment a couple of weeks before I did, and immediately sent me a text saying that he wished we had met fifteen years ago (which I think is roughly how long he's been married). The text completely did my head in, and I sent back an angry response along the lines of, 'yes, ok, there is an attraction between us but you are married and this is not appropriate'. I informed staff that he had sent this text which led to a discussion in group about relationship issues (so far, so managing to do the right thing).
Unfortunately someone at the centre broke my confidentiality and let him know that I had discussed his text with the staff as part of my treatment. He then texted me again, unhappy that I had done this which caused a row between us that I found very upsetting. He said that he thought it best we have no more contact.
I then left treatment and sent an e-mail apologising for how things had turned out and saying it was a shame we couldn't keep in touch considering how well we had got on (a huge error on my part, I know). He wrote back saying he valued my friendship and wanted to keep in contact and had only been worried about how the conflict between us had been affecting me. I then wrote back (and yes I do know how wrong this was) letting him know when I would be in the area and asking if he fancied meeting up? He wrote back saying he was unsure if he would be available but that he would let me know.
At this point I came to my senses and faced up to how innapropriate this contact between us was. I discussed things with my peers in recovery who encouraged me to have no more contact with him. He didn't contact me either and we didn't speak for a month.
I then very recently went back to the rehab centre for follow up care (which is around the area he lives). One of the other patients told me this guy was in a hotel room alone on business and was feeling isolated. All my resolve went out of the window and I texted him again. We exchanged a few pleasantries and I asked again if he fancied meeting? He suggested a place and then I didn't hear from him again. I texted asking what was wrong and he said he thought it best 'we take a rain check'.
I have since texted and e-mailed saying I don't understand - I know he's married and that we can't have a relationship, but he'd said he wanted to be friends. I've asked that if he cares at all, that he be honest with me about whether or not he wants to be in touch so I know where I am. All I've had is complete silence. Looking back he's always been very unreliable - promising to ring and then not e.t.c. It has always been me who has initiated contact.
I know how wrong I've been trying to pursue any sort of friendship/relationship with this bloke. But I feel distraught. I cannot understand why he is completely ignoring me after everything he said. I thought he cared about me. I feel stupid, humiliated, and terrible about myself for having violated my moral code. I feel very weak and as though I can't quite bounce back.
I have ceased any attempts to make contact and will not do so again. But what do I do with these feelings that are left over? I just feel so terrible 
Why can't men just be honest about their feelings and intentions? Why is that so fucking hard? All he has to say is that he's changed his mind and doesn't think being in touch is in either of our best interests. Why has he just left me hanging like this?