did I do the right thing

[usedtobeindecisive]

nc. I'm an lp been seeing a lovely chap for 8/9 months (first proper relationship since divorce, been on my own 5 yrs.)

It's been great, lovely guy, very kind/considerate understanding, we got on well and it's been a good thing for me (ex-h left for OW which had dented my confidence) However - he wants to have children 'one day.' I'm a bit older (early 40s he's mid-late 30s) have 2 dcs and don't intend to have any more. I've not introduced him to my dcs

So despite my feelings for him I've decided to end it
We've agreed to stay friends. I'm sad though and just wanted to see if you kind ladies think I'm doing the right thing here

You don't mention any real emotional attachment to him. Was your heart in the relationship? If not then you probably did the right thing.

thanks yes I do feel attached to him and am almost trying not to think about never seeing him again as it's too sad. We've said we'll meet as friends but that'll be hard as there's tons of chemistry there. It's been at the back of my mind though that it couldn't last (because of the children issue) which is why I've not introduced him to dcs. I was getting to the point of really wanting to but then thinking that's not fair on anyone because he does need to go off and have his own family at some point

so he just agreed without a fight? then you've done the righht thing, i.e. he still sees having dc as more important than your relationship, sad but it is his choice.

Did you explain to him why you were ending it? If so, how did he react? You have been honest with him, which is good, but if he comes back and says he'd rather have a relationship with you than have potential children with a potential woman some time in the future, it's worth giving him a chance.

Please bear in mind the following: Not everyone wants to have children. Some people are really not bothered and, despite any dipshit mundane propaganda you may have absorbed, not all men are obsessed with proving their sperm works and having children generated from their own bollocks.

Not all relationships last for ever, and that doesn't necessarily mean that they 'failed' merely that they ran their course. I think you might have made both yourself and him unnecessarily miserable if the only reason you binned him was out of a martyrish 'I am old and barren, go forth and seek a fertile wench' fixation on the idea that you don't want any more DC. It doesn't sound like he was begging to impregnate you straightaway.

If you've told him why you ended it then yes you have done the right thing. But if you haven't then you've taken the decision for him and that might not be right. He deserves the chance to decide for himself if he needs to have biological children if his own or if by 'have children one day' he just meant be part of a family which could be a step family.

SGB that did make me smile at least but no he is definitely someone who wants children, he really likes babies and is quite broody I think. He'd be a great dad and I'd feel like I was denying him the chance. He knows why I've ended it, can't really argue because that is what he wants, although he'd put it off till 'the future'

Agreed the relationship hasn't 'failed' - it's been great. I suppose whether it's run its course or I should've stuck with it longer is what's on my mind

x post thanks badguider yes sorry to dripfeed. I've been totally open with him we're very honest with each other

Better a few tears now than heartbreak later...

Even if you were prepared to have more dc, his 'one day' may be one day too late for you to produce the goods, so to speak.

As you both clearly want different things from a relationship, it's sensible to end it now and the fact that you haven't introduced him to your dc syas more than words can.

See it for what it was; a positive experience which has gone some way to restoring your confidence in yourself and has also, hopefully, given you confidence that there are kind/considerate/understanding men 'out there'.

The adage has it that when one door closes, another opens. Close this one and look out for the one that will open on to what you want from life as well as from any future relationships you engage in.

I have a male friend who is very happily married to an older lady - he was smitten by her and realised that she meant more to him than possible fatherhood. He hasn't regretted that choice, but I imagine at the beginning of their relationship he would have said he wanted children and been a bit unsure how to 'square the circle'. OTOH, I had a relationship with a younger guy who was quite clear that he wanted DCs in the future (I'm too old for more...) and that didn't shift over 3 years so I ended it - he wasn't going to commit to me. Maybe I should have done it sooner. If he wants you more than DCs, he'll come after you....

thanks everyone I appreciate the help and advice, it's comforting