Long, sorry.
DH was speaking to his brother on the phone last night. BIL and his GF are considering buying a house, and for financial reasons are thinking about getting it solely in his name. I said that, although it's exactly what we did ourselves, I wouldn't advise it, and that his GF should think very carefully before putting herself in that position.
DH wanted me to clarify, I explained that, although I paid into that mortgage for years, it isn't mine in any way, and if we had split up before getting married (or even probably after) I would be homeless and penniless. He then refused to believe that I paid anything towards the mortgage (he kept saying "I didn't make you pay rent"). He said that I was lying a number of times, still on the phone to his brother. I looked up my old bank statements online, and proved to him that I did indeed make monthly payments, entitled 'mortgage payment', every month between buying and moving out of that house. The amount was approximately half the mortgage plus half of all bills. (He didn't want a joint account for some reason, we do have one now (now I'm the earner and he's a SAHD).
I'm cross now for a number of reasons. He clearly has it in his head that he provided for me over that long period of time, which isn't true. He called me a liar, numerous times, in front of his brother. He has apologised, and doesn't see why I'm still annoyed.
This got me thinking about how he has been WRT money. When we first had kids, I was a SAHM. I worked part time (evenings), studied, and set up a business, but still felt very pressured (by him) to find more work.
He was then made redundant, I got FT work, and he has been a SAHD since. (I was SAHM for 2 years, he has been SAHD for 18months so far). I haven't pressured him into work at all, even though we live somewhere (abroad) where child care is very affordable. I remember how it made me feel, and I don't want to do that to him.
But, it's all a bit... difficult. I need to rationalise this a bit.