So it's dawned on me. I'm actually having a baby on my own.

[FromHereToNextTuesday]

I'm ok with single parenthood. I like it. It's easier than it was before.

I'm ok with single pregnancy. Would be nice to have a back rub now and then, someone to fetch craved substances at night, someone to feel the kicks in bed. But it's ok.

I'm ok with single childbirth. Won't be easy, will be done. No choice there.

But... but. I have a friend, who had a traumatic first birth, and is dreading her imminent second. She has a decent DH, really proud of her, supportive of her, there for her. He, and everyone else, tells her she need not worry. She is loved and supported and will be fine.

Last night I looked at photos from the aftermath of my son's birth. There we are: DH, DS and me, all curled up on a bed, looking tired and naive and proud and happy. 'D'H has since proved a lying, cheating, abusive arse. He ruined my second pregnancy and has recently left me during my third. There will be no cosy family portrait this time. There will be no hand holding, no 'proud dad' phone calls, no rushing back for visiting time.

Meanwhile I have to watch the sheer love and pride between my friend's DH and her. It is killing me. Why? I want her to have this, of course I do. This is really wrong to be jealous of a fellow woman in distress, and I know it. I am just so, so sad that no one is going to care the same way about me.

I need to stop this.

Xxxx

Better alone than tied to an arsehole

Im so sorry, i went through both my pregnancies alone and was really jealous of people who where also pregnant and had partners to look after them. Its sad but you get through it and once baby is here you'll be too busy to notice other peoples lives.

Do you have your mum for support?

Do you have a supportive mum? Sister? Friend?? I know it's not the same but if you do have good support, appreciate it and remember the real man your dh is, not the one you wish he had been.

You will have each other. Your child and you will have an amazing relationship and he/she will be so proud knowing they have a strong mum who stood up for him/her and decided to it alone rather than subjecting them to a life with a bad role model.

Hugs. I am in the same position and was alone for my first pregnancy too. It is crap but we are strong and can survive it, people will be kind and help will come from people you least expect it too x

sorry OP i really, really feel for you. but like the others say you will have an amazing, consuming time with your new baby. look away from the lovey couples and leave them to it. good luck. DH sounds like a shit. you are better off without him, you and your children. xx

Thanks. I do have support from friends/family. I'm lucky, they are local and I get a lot of help. So I'm not 'alone', not really. Just... well... you know.

I actually feel sorry for him. His loss.

Very hard not to feel envious. But take a positive from it - there are good men out in the world. Men who aren't complete tosspots. And the law of averages says you'll meet one!

I have spent half the day on the phone to a pregnant, sick and exhausted friend who's H is doing feck all and left her to fend for herself all day whilst vomiting and taking care of sick toddler :( . Everyone thinks he's a lovely guy. Agree better to be alone than with an arsehole. Virtual handholding for you though it is tough