moving on after a termination

[kakiqueen]

Hello all,
This is my first post on mumsnet and I'd really appreciate some advice.
I had a termination on Wednesday, for various reasons.
My dh and I already have two young children and felt we could not cope with another. I ha e a history of severe PND with both children and a history of ongoing low mood.
Please don't judge me for the termination, I already feel terrible enough.
Since having had the procedure, I cannot stop crying and feel so sad. I still feel it was the best decision in bad circumstances, but my hormones are all over the place.

The problem is that my dh is being very factual about the situation and is getting increasingly cross and frustrated with my grief. I feel I am entitled to feel sad and don't understand him.
I feel I have to hide my true feelings from him and pretend I'm fine.
He says he is suffering from compassion fatigue in view of my previous depression.
I'm so sad that we are so separate at this awful time.
Do any of you have experience of termination and relationships with your partners?
How can we move on without fighting every time we try to talk about this, which is what has been happening.
I worry we will spoil what was a good marriage by not being able to get through this.
Any advice, please?
X

Thank you, differentnameforthis. I will do that. I was thinking of writing it down, too. Like a letter to it. So sad...
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me.
x

This thread has touched me. I had a termination 6 months ago, as DP and I have 4 children between us and could not afford any more. I was on the pill and it failed. DP was heartbroken, cried real huge tears as he blamed himself for "getting me pregnant" We made the decision together and I had the procedure. I was 6 weeks gone.
To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I veer from guilt, anger at self, disgust at self, to nothing. DP still gets tearful now. He adores children and if the time was right we would have continued with pregnancy. I cant bear to think of it as a "baby". I just cant.
I feel for you Queen I really do, as I myself suffered terrible delusional PND at 17 with my DS1. Mental illness is horrendous, especially at times like this.
Im thinking of you xx

Thanks miniegg. I feel for you. It is so sad. Thus has really changed me. My dh and I are getting on ok, but I feel so emotional and similarly to you, I'm swinging between self disgust/loathing, numbness a d then suddenly feeling all rational about it.
Part of me can't believe I actually went ahead and did it. I take that as a very small comfort: I really must not have wanted to have another baby. But right now, tonight, all I want is that baby back.
Thank you for replying to this thread. Hearing from others really does help. In real life, I feel very separate from my friends.
x

Oh love, my heart goes out to you x

None of my real-life friends know about this, not because I'm ashamed to confide in them, its just I want this to remain a private thing, not a bit of gossip for people. I feel like a bit of a fraud sometimes around my friends, as I know we all know private things about one another, but I'm keeping quiet and it feels like I'm hiding something.

Doesn't it stir up some strange feelings and emotions?

I'm also from a Roman Catholic family, so they don't know either. There would be Hell to pay if they did. I was previously dead against terminations until I fell pg last time. I'm also on anti-epilepsy drugs which can cause birth defects etc, and can't stop taking them as inevitably I will start having fits again which is no good for looking after a 2 & 12 year old. Its just a mess.