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Original poster

House politics

6 replies

Zippadidooda · 22/03/2013 14:30

DP and I have 3 kids. We live in the house I've owned since before we met.
He's not bothered by marriage, and I'm not either. I can't really see us breaking up but I know there are no guarantees. Am I being selfish by not signing half the house over to him? He hasn't asked, I just sometimes feel guilty (and a bit judged by his family).

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/03/2013 14:44

Does he or has he paid towards a mortgage or was the house owned outright? Are the DCs his or from a previous relationship? I would suggest that, if he's not pushing you for marriage or joint ownership, you should do all the other things to ensure his security e.g. wills determining what happens to the property in the event of your death. A good solicitor can draw everything up for you.

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 22/03/2013 14:46

He's not paid anything towards the mortgage (which I paid off before we met). DCs all his.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/03/2013 14:53

And have you ever had a frank conversation about how he really feels living in 'your' home? Is he totally comfortable with the prospect that, if you split up he'd be both homeless & potless? Ditto if you died? A lot of people say they aren't bothered by marriage but, if you strip out all the frilly crap about love etc, it's a fairly hard-nosed contract that sort of short-cuts a lot of the things that a solicitor will charge you a few quid to draw up. (You still need wills however)

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 22/03/2013 15:09

Hmm, you know, odd as it sounds given that we've been together for 12 years, no. We have never discussed it. I wonder whether a little selfish part of me is punishing him for not wanting to marry me! That's never really occurred to me before, because it's a long time since I became comfortable with the idea of not being married (he was comfortable with this before I was...). Thanks Cogito. Amazing what new things come up from posting here!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/03/2013 15:15

Speaking as (to paraphrase Austen for a second) 'a single woman in possession of a good fortune'... OK a house in the Home Counties but jeez they're pricey.... I do occasionally wonder what I'd do if I ever got fond enough of one of my gentleman callers to move them in permanently. If he's really anti-marriage and has not worked out that he's in a weak position here I would quite honestly not press the point. Just leave your home etc in trust to your kids after you die and then let them worry about whether they'll let Dad carry on living there :)

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 22/03/2013 15:34

Gentleman callers sound more fun and better behaved Wink - I'd think twice about letting any move in.... Thanks for the advice Cogito

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