We are separating and will need to sell the family home. We have approximately £335k equity which we have discussed dividing 60:40. Our child will live with me full-time.
I work part-time, get a reasonable salary and with my equity share of 60% and a mortgage and very careful budgeting will be able to support us comfortably in a smaller property. I have worked out two budgets, one with maintenance included (I am suggesting £60 per week, my husband earns around £360 per week) and one without.
After many years coping with EA from my ?narc? H it has taken a great deal of courage (and counselling) for me to get this far in taking the initiative to end the marriage. I just need our new life to begin to protect my child?s and my own emotional wellbeing.
We have no debts other than the outstanding mortgage on the family home which would be cleared when we sell. He has some savings of his own from an inheritance and possibly will soon receive another inheritance.
My H has said that as he will lose his married man?s tax allowance and have to pay into a work pension he won?t be able to afford a mortgage. This is more about him not wanting to buy what he can afford with his share and upgrade at a time when he receives his inheritance. I recognise that these are his problems, not mine and probably obstacles to prevent things moving forward.
My H has suggested that we remain in the family home (as a separated couple) until such time as he is able to add his inheritance to his equity share! Although we are not living as a couple now only sharing the house, he still expects everything done in the house for him. To alleviate stress of arguments on my child I am going along with this. Unfortunately he will not move out and I know that there isn?t any incentive on him too when he is still enjoying the comforts of living in the marital home. My child is my first concern though and I will do what it takes to spare them any more upset.
I haven?t yet received any advice from a solicitor but I am doing this next week. My H is adamant that he doesn?t want to divorce through a solicitor and I agree that I do not want a costly fight either. I just want a fair settlement and a clean break.
I am prepared to suggest that he does not pay maintenance until he receives his inheritance at which time we can agree on an amount going forward and at that time he would pay me a lump sum equal to that which he would have paid while he was waiting for his inheritance. I would be suggesting that any deferred maintenance payment is agreed through a solicitor in the separation agreement
His approach in all things when challenged is ?best form of defence is attack? so discussing these matters with him take a lot of strength on my part to get through it and get out the other side with my nerves intact. I am working diligently to detach from him and his behaviours by not arguing with him. I know this is un-nerving him as he is being very uncharacteristically nice to me and is most likely realising his world of home comforts and financial stability is about to be rocked big time.
If my suggestion to not pay me maintenance is an absurd one then I would appreciate some feedback here. Please be gentle though. Any help/suggestions/bolstering of confidence on how to approach these discussions would be good in fact.
Thanks for reading, sorry it is a bit long.