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Original poster

What to do...

27 replies

Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:41

2 childhood friends, one closer than the other. Friend 1 (closer one) has told me she is having an affair with Friend 2's husband. She feels very bad and is trying to end it. Friend 2 has told me she and her husband are trying for a baby. It's not my business to do/say anything, is it? I feel very worried for all of them. Advice would be great.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 21/03/2013 10:44

It's not your responsibility to do or say anything, it's their problem. However, if it were me I would tell friend 1 that friend 2 and husband are trying for a baby hoping that she would see him for what he is.

Sugarice · 21/03/2013 10:45

What a terrible situation for you to be in.

'trying to end it' is all well but will friend 1 actually do it?

How long has it been going on?

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:46

Thanks, TeeBee. Friend 1 already knows the child thing. She wants to end it but says they are in love Sad

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Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:47

Is difficult, Sugarice, but obviously much much harder for them! Been going on nearly a year, on and off.

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gilly86 · 21/03/2013 10:48

Friend 1 needs to end it. I think you should tell her this. He's a married man firstly and TTC with friend 2... He sounds like a real prick to be honest so 1) friend 1 should end it immediately and 2) she can do better than a married man cheating on his wife who is TTC!

Personally i would probably speak to HIM and tell him I know everything and he has to end his affair immediately.

But then you're still stuck because friend 2 would be mortified if she ever found out about the affair and found out that you knew.

Jeeeeeeez.

First things first, friend 1 needs to end it TODAY!

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:48

I can't help hating him a bit, even though whenever I've met him he's been lovely.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 21/03/2013 10:49

He doesn't sound lovely. May be he's good at pretending.

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:50

gilly86, I think I agree except that Friend 2 really wants a baby, and is nearly 40, so I worry if they ended it then she'd never be a mummy.

OP posts:
Sugarice · 21/03/2013 10:50

Friend 2 needs to know that the man she's trying to have a baby with is a twat!

Is Friend 1 married too?

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:50

Yes TeeBee that's probably true.

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MolotovCocktail · 21/03/2013 10:51

Poor you having been put as piggy-in-the-middle. I think I'd be having a word with the 'man' in all of this. He's either in love with Friend 2 and therefore should end it with Friend 1 ... or he's in love with Friend 1 and should therefore stop tryig to make babies with Friend 2. He seems to be having everything atm. You can't be the one to call time on anything, but this is why I'd be seriously taking him aside and imploring him to make his fucking mind up.

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:51

Friend 1 is single

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 21/03/2013 10:52

Friend 1 isn't really a friend, is she? She's made you complicit in her affair, and she's acting in a way which will,on discovery, devastate Friend 2 (a determined enemy could hardly find something more hurtful to do).

She's not "in love", she's caught up in affair bubble.

I would tell her you need to think about what is the right thing to do, as you do not want to be a party to such a major betrayal of Friend 2. And consider severing contact with her altogether.

gilly86 · 21/03/2013 10:52

New information has come to me since my last post!

If they ARE in love or whatever then HE needs to tell his wife the truth and they have to decide whether they stay together OR break up. His feelings for friend 1 will obviously come in to the decision as well.. If he does LOVE friend 1 then he will leave his wife for her no matter how much grief it will cause her and their family and friends.

This is really all down to him.

Again... If I was in your shoes is probably slyly tell him I know what he's doing and he has to confess and decide what the fuck he's doing with his life cos at the moment he's stringing 2 women a long. They can both do better than him but he needs to be truthful to himself and to them.

MolotovCocktail · 21/03/2013 10:52

Its a real shit that he is the one who gets to make te decisions.

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:52

Yes, maybe that's the way forward, talking to him.
Thing is, Friend 1 wouldn't want me to do that and I don't want to upset her either! But maybe a bit of collateral is inevitable.

OP posts:
gilly86 · 21/03/2013 10:54

How long have they been married?

onefewernow · 21/03/2013 10:55

I would be telling him he needs to tell his wife the truth to help her decide whether she wants to bring a child into this situation, or you will tell her yourself.

You are in an impossible predicament, but given the enormity of the potential consequences for the wife- pregnant and with an unstable marriage to a pig who may leave anyway- you have very little leeway in terms of doing the right thing

MolotovCocktail · 21/03/2013 10:55

Friend 1 would have to like it or lump it, sorry. She has less to lose. And she is in no position to take the moral high ground, OP.

Sugarice · 21/03/2013 10:55

Sod whether friend 1 gets upset for you talking to that man!

She should've kept her knickers up and her mouth shut if she didn't you involved.

Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:56

Yes, AuntieStella, I am finding it hard to like Friend 1 sometimes, knowing she can do this to Friend 2. And I feel so guilty knowing.

Wish I'd come to MN ages ago - this has been driving me crazy and have had to keep it all secret because stupidly I promised (before knowing what the secret was)....

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Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:59

Yes, you're right Sugarice

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Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 10:59

and Molotov

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Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 11:02

Yes onfewernow, it's true it's such an enormously important thing, the child thing.

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Original poster
Zippadidooda · 21/03/2013 11:03

They've been together 10 years, married for 5

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