Did I imagine it or make it something more than it is?

[BloominMarvellous]

I have certain memories as a child of things said and done like insults and times when I've been hit.

I have a bit of a phobia of baked beans because I was force fed them. Meal times were stressful as a child as I hated the idea of my mum touching my food so we used to argue a lot and she would get angry and hurt me.

I mentioned one incident today just in conversation and she totally denied it. She said I remember things wrong and I am making it sound a lot worse than it really was.

Now I am confused. Is it possible she is right?

I can't say for sure but I do know that it is classic for abusive parents to tell you that 'things didn't really happen like that'.

In fact, I would say that to deny abuse (years later) is a second form of abuse and it implies you are mentally disturbed. It has happened to me so you have my sympathies.

That's what I'm afraid of. That they did really happen.

I am hurt by her saying I'm over exaggerating and 'remembering it wrong'

I'm trying to make sense of my childhood and my family really aren't helping when I try and talk to them which makes me feel very alone.

They have a vested interest in not helping if they were the ones doing the abusing... If they deny it happened they have nothing to answer. Sadly very common, as belfast said. You might be better seeking either professional help or a very trusted friend to help you make sense of this.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what they 'remember' - what's important is that this is your life, your feelings, your memories. Take them to someone who will believe you and help you to come to terms with them - evidently not your mother :(

I have recently had to come to terms with the fact that my mother was abusive to me, not often physically (although sometimes), mainly emotionally.

She continues to be abusive.

Google 'gaslighting'. I believe this is what your mother is doing - I am very familiar with it!!

I was also force fed as a child until I was crying and gagging and could not relax to eat my dinner when she was in the room. Subsequently I developed a phobia of vomiting (funnily enough, also a dislike of baked beans!) I haven't confronted her about this, but I know she would deny it and say I was exaggerating, as yours did.

There is a reason you are remembering this and feel uneasy about it. Why would you make it up if you didn't know deep down that something was/is wrong?

Trust your instincts.

OP, pop over to the Stately Homes thread in Relationships. Those gals know where you are coming from.

Have you read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward ?

I would also recommend 'Toxic Parents'.

Have a look at Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

and see if you relate to anything there.

Thank you. I'm having a read now. Just trying to process it all.

I have been made to feel so low today because of my family it's finally starting to sink in who they really are