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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dont want to affend BF

4 replies

redbull · 08/05/2006 10:26

here is the story, ds is 5 on 26 may, we are having LITTLE get together after school with my mom,dad,brother,DPs aunty and DPs 2 cousins.
Talked sunday morning to BF i was trying to say that on the sat or sun for them to come round and we will have a little party, but BF missunderstood me.
BF now thinks they are coming round to after schoolSad.
The thing is ds is autistic and so is BF 2 sons, as some of you know bf is way to soft on her 2 ds,i now have got visions of them opening up ds presents breacking his new toys (they breack all his toys)and ds has been through so much this year just want him to have a happy day and ds will get soooooooooooooooooooo peed off if they touch his presents.
i just dont know what to say to BF as she is really paranoid about people not wanting her kids around as they are so wild.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me some adviceSad

OP posts:
controlfreaky · 08/05/2006 10:31

do it now. if you are worried it will ruin ds's special day you will have to tell her straight "sorry i think we've got our wires crossed, i was hoping you could come round on sat / sun whatever with your boys, am keeping the friday thing very small..." or some such. she ought to be able to accept this without too much "but why?" it wont improve by being left.

Original poster
redbull · 08/05/2006 20:56

bump

OP posts:
Tamz77 · 08/05/2006 21:29

You HAVE to tell her! Too important a day for your ds to have it ruined. Tell her ASAP and explain the delay/ not wanting to offend her. You could add something about not wanting to overwhelm ds, so you had the idea to have one 'family party' and one 'friends party'.

If in doubt imagine your ds's poor little face as all his lovely new birthday toys get wrecked. I'm sure BF will understand. If she doesn't, and gets stroppy...then maybe explain your full reasons? That her kids always break your kid's toys? She won't be able to deny it!

Good luck!

eidsvold · 09/05/2006 03:22

I would just let her know that you would love to catch up with her on the weekend - you think having too many people in the house will be a bit much - better for you and your son to spread it out. That way if she is paranoid about it being about her - try to phrase it that you think your son will be overwhelmed with so much - much better for your son to spread it out.

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