I'm so sick and tired of wallowing in self pity! I'm drowning!!

[Mentalcowgirl]

I'm so sick and tired of wallowing in self pity! I'm drowning!!

I'm 26 single mum of 1 ds (5) his "sperm donor" has nothing to do with him nor pays any maintenance.

I work hard to keep a roof over our heads and make sure my son doesn't go without but my social life is non excistant! All of my friends are either "knocked up" or "loved up" and to be honest when I'm not working I want to spend time with my son, he's not only my son he's my best friend, we call ourselves the A team!

I'm not bothered about being single at all however, sometimes it would be nice to have a cuddle, pat on the back or just some recognition that I'm actually here doing my very best. Meh... bit if a rant more than a topic but needed to get it off my chest!

Spinster?! Who me?!!

I know how you feel ,, it just hits you know and again doesnt it but it will pick back up again!

Since i got pregnant and had DS 15 months its just me and him and all my " friends" went , sometimes i feel like iv fallen off the planet and been forgot about , but u just got to think what you have is far more enjoyable , and rewarding!! As for mr sperm donor .... Its his loss sweetie iv seen your DS grow and u get to be with him everyday your the lucky one!!

Just fight threw the lonely wall it does pass i hit it now and again but u and DS have your world and its the best one

Well I'm giving you a pat on the back! Your little boy will look and know what a wonderful mother he had when he was little. All the nights out in the world can't replace that! Also I'm married and I'm stuck in alone most nights so don't think it's just you and certainly most people with young children aren't blessed with an amazing social life. Cherish these days and you never know something might just happen for you!

Life goes in phases and sometimes you get out of step with a particular group of friends if you're at a different phase to them.

So I think you need some new friends and to actively restart your social life. Maybe not doing the same things you did pre-DS, but finding some kind of activity or hobby that you're interested in which you can join other like-minded people. When I was in your situation a few years ago someone put me in touch with a community music project (think Gareth Malone's choirs), I booked a regular baby-sitter and went along once a week. Met different people, had a few hours to myself, enjoy it thoroughly and have never looked back.

Good luck

Are there any sports you like doing? Tennis and mixed netball players seem to have pretty good social lives. Maybe your son could join a club eg scouts and you could volunteer to help with the camping trips etc What interests do you have?

Actually there is probably a "parents without partners" club near you somewhere that you could join or start up if there isn't.

Excellent advice from cogito

"when I'm not working I want to spend time with my son,"

Just on this one... we all do. However, consider this. It's very important for DCs to grow up understanding that Mummy is not just a nice woman that is there to do things for you 24/7 but is also a person in their own right with interests and friends of their own. It's excellent that you go out to work but it's also important that he sees you as a sociable person as well.

I don't really have any interests other than my son and animals I'm lucky enough to work with animals (cows) and live with my son. I've been thinking about doings vet nursing degree but I already have a foundation degree in agriculture and currently doing quite well at having my own business working with the moos but its a solitary career choice (I'm often alone)

Having said that I don't suffer fools gladly and don't know if I could bite my tounge and deal with general public, especially where animal welfare is concerend. Also I don't know if I could hack being a poor student for 3 years!

I don't know?! I'm just so fed up at the moment it's only my sons smile and him telling me he loves me what keeps me going.

You sound like a great mum, doing her very best.

Now what about something for you? Anything, maybe just an evening a week, doing something you enjoy. There must be groups/clubs you could try.

Here's a pat on the back!

Its hard being a single parent. The rewards though are the best rewards in the world. My ds will be 24 in a few months. It was very hard when he was younger. I went back to uni when he was7.

His graduation ceremony last year was the proudest day of my life. I wouldn't change a thing!

Find something for yourself. Your ds will grow up so fast, as was said earlier, its good for children to understand that Mummys a person as well with your own interests.

You sound like a great mum!

If your interests are very narrow, how about broadening them? Lots of people enjoy things like book-clubs or dance classes. Anything really where you get to meet other people. You might find you have to suffer a few fools in the process but surely that's better than being on your own all the time?

I've recently become single in a world where most of my friends are in long term relationships. The most difficult thing is that the context is different now you have kids, you have to make your decisions based on them first and foremost although you'll have some scope to do more for yourself.

I definitely advocate the exercise or sport angle. It gets you out, makes you feel good with the added bonus of health benefits. My ex is in a relationship already and I occasionally think I need to get together with someone to stop myself thinking about that and / or feeling lonely. However, discovering new friends and interests and feeling stronger in yourself are more important first and foremost. Relationships (platonic and otherwise) should only follow that base of being strong in yourself.

I agree with Cogito. It's vital not only for yourself but also your DS to develop your own life that has a child-free element and sees you as a person in your own right, not as a mother.

I have been in your position. I got out of it by starting some voluntary work that eventually transformed the whole of my life. It was the best thing I ever did.

Good luck.