Can you be addicted to another person?

[imamuppet]

Because thats how i feel about a man I am seeing and I hate it.

I was over the moon when he asked me out as I'd had a crush on him for ages. We dated a couple of times but it became clear fairly quickly that it wasn't going anywhere even though I was incredibly attracted to him physically we just didn't get along well enough on a personal level to keep it going. Also neither of us really wanted to get into a serious relationship after recent break ups on both sides.

We were both enjoying the physical side of it though so it just kind of developed into a FWB situation which has continued on for the last year or so. Its not ideal though. For a FWB situation there is not nearly enough sex for one thing! I would like to see him more often but he only seems to want to hook up every 6 weeks or so. The last time we met we had a fantastic time, he was very enthusiastic about doing it again soon but it hasn't happened and that was nearly 2 months ago. I suspect he is either dating or having a casual thing with at least one other woman and I have been mothballed for the moment.

The problem is I am gutted. I am not seeing anyone else, I miss being with him, I really miss the sex. He continues to text regularly saying that we will meet up again soon. I've told him that im getting totally fed up with the situation and if he doesn't want to meet me to stop texting and making promises to meet at some vague point in the future, but he keeps texting anyway. I've tried not replying but I always end up thinking maybe this time he wants to arrange to meet and I cave in.

I know that he's stringing me along and its starting to really bother me but I keep making excuses to myself not to walk away. I am still massively attracted to him and I think lust is what is dragging me back but I actually know its bad for me and bad for my self esteem to be in this position. I'd like to say "that's it, you're wasting my time, it's over" and actually mean it this time

I tried to end it a week ago, I text him and said that a friends with benefits arrangement without any benefits was pointless and since he wasn't interested in meeting up more often then I didn't want to continue with it. He just texted as normal the next day as if he'd never got my message and before I knew it he was telling me how much he wanted to meet again soon, but that there just always seemed to be something getting in the way. I totally fell for it and we just moved on from the whole"ending it" conversation.

Yes helltotheno, I think my obvious neediness has played a part. I NEEEEED a shag and he knows I've been really anxious to see him in the last while. I'm not trying to become his girlfriend or anything so I thought it would be OK to be honest with him about how much I wanted to see him but maybe it was a bad tactic.

Yep I know this one and for me it was the closure I needed more than anything else.

Even now after I stopped contact etc and 2 months on I still think about him daily and miss him but thats coz I got no closure. He never had to acknowledge how much he messed me about but hand on heart if he was to text me tomorrow I would be back being used again by him .

I don't know if the feeling ever goes away , but you learn to get used to it . I would download an app for your phone or contact your provider and block his number for now , you will miss him but it will give you space to make sense of it all.

Yes, but its not healthy.

I've read back on my posts and I realize how pathetic and desperate I sound, like an addict trying to justify wanting their next fix. How did I become this, and how the hell am I going to find the strength to keep away?

It comes in waves, sometimes I feel strong and resolute and then a few hours later I am in pieces and looking for ways to make it OK to myself to keep seeing him, I am so pathetic

imamuppet, understand you totally. Went through this myself with an ex, who sounds just like yours. Our "relationship" went on for two years but with gaps between meet ups. My DH had died and this man seemed to be so caring and attentive (at first) and I was perhaps flattered that I could still attract someone, that I fell for him. Like you I tormented myself over it continually. My friends and family kept advising me that it was not good for me. It took a long time to finally see "him" for what he was and to feel strong enough to walk away. We remained friends (without benefits) for a while but until I cut contact completely, I didn't begin to heal. I'm sorry to say that cutting contact completely is what you will have to do, but until you're ready to do it (and keep to it), you won't move on.

i has this a while back with another woman surprisingly (i'm bi). i made the mistake of letting her know she could have me whenever she wanted. she would arrange to meet me then not turn up, she'd text me non stop for a couple of days then just disappear from my radar for months. like other posters have said, i'd be glued to my phone waiting for texts & emails. eventually i came to the painful conclusion she just wasn't that into me. goes to show this behaviour isnt exclusive to men.

Thank you, I appreciate all the replies, even though everyone is saying end it.

I feel sick at the thought of ending contact, I am having anxiety attacks when I think of him not being in my life anymore . I know that sounds crazy and this is no way to live. I want to believe everyone who says I will feel better for walking away and holding on to what's left of my dignity. God, I hate that I have ended up in this position, it was only ever meant to be a bit of fun.

I am going to try and go with the no contact thing but I have no idea if I can do it. Giving up cigarettes was much easier than this.

OP whatever you call the connection you feel with him, for you it is attachment. Whether that's to do with lust or loneliness or whatever you feel deeply attached to the idea of him and having him in your life. And you are terrified of that attachment breaking right now, even though rationally you know he is humiliating you, casually.

But once you detach you will be free and you will be able to think differently about yourself and about what kind of relationship you do want.

Good luck quitting

oh gosh, I do feel for you. I've been there. It is utterly miserable and desperately humiliating.

I don't went to get too heavy here but have a look at SLA (I think it's called) - Sex and Love Addiction Anonymous. Don't sniff, it may be exactly what you need.

btw he's a shit. Not to put all the blame on him, mind, but he is NOT a nice person imo

No offence to you, BUT:
Imagine it was the other way round and you weren't that in to him. Wouldn't it be a complete turn off for you to have someone so weak and desperate ready and waiting ?

As springyhiphop says he is not a nice person.