Talk some sense into me...

[leCrooSet]

My DP and I have been together 3 years.

We live in my house with my 2 kids. His 2 kids are older and independent.

we are both divorced. Met when both were free, no mess ! We are very very happy together. Both see this as a long term commitment.

I have a good job with a good income

he is a freelance and income is to say the least patchy

however he does childcare for me/us, most of the cooking, all the DIY and general stuff. I'm not moaning about his financial contribution.

BUT - tell me I am mad to even consider getting married. I know that I am given the disparity in our financial status and b) we both know that marriage is not necessarily for ever. It is I who am more keen than he, mainly I think because I am a romantic....

Has he proposed?

Do you really love him?

Marriage is a partnership, it shouldn't matter if one person earns less than another. This is usually the case anyway.

So no concerns about the rest of his contributions to household? You mentioned he does child care etc.

It's understandable to be wary x

Well looking at from a practical point of you is it for your children security ? or for your own peace of mind , I think when children are involved there is alot to consider when making a big commitment, you say marriage is not forever surely when entering such a contract you would consider it a lifetime commitment , in the long run it is beter all round as a family to be married .I understand you hesitation but really is it what you want ?

No would be my answer but i know why you might be tempted . Its not thats its a bad idea but you dont need it you said yourself your both happy. Dont rock the boat if it where me i would be happy as we are and just enjoy life. When my children where adults it might be time then if you still think its something you would want.

How much would child care cost you if he didn't do it? Or the cooking? I see them as an equal contribution to a marriage, especially as I was a SAHM.

I don't think there is an issue with marriage.

I would get a fair valuation on the house and ensure that your contribution to it before marriage is recognised and that you get that back before anything left over in the case of divorce or that that amount is ring fenced for your biological children before the rest is split however you agree if in the worse case you die.

If he doesn't agree to that then I would say don't marry.

do I really love him? Yes , yes, yes. 100%. for me he is 'the one' even though I do know that's nuts.... I'm pretty sure he would agree to any pre-nup I asked for

BUT I have an issue fully 100% trusting anyone after my marriage broke down - not because i loved my ex in the same way (I didn't which was one of the issues) but because I have financial security now and I have seen so so many people on here and in real life betrayed by the person the thought would love them forever. I don't think I could bear to risk my and my kids financial security and have it all go wrong.

Actually thinking about this, my issue is not about marriage its about trust. DP was not unfaithful to his first wife, and I know holds the exact same views about monogamy and sexual fidelity that I do. Its not him being unfaithful I fear - but doing what ExH did and becoming totally unreasonable and disrespecting me and my opinions, not caring that I was desperately unhappy, not caring that his behaviour was totally unreasonable.

Maybe I fear that if we are married he wont have to treat me nicely and with respect....(like he does now)

I hold to the maxim that 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'.

You're both clearly happy together and you're best advised to put your romantic streak to good use in making your relatonship a fitting testament to your love for each other.

If in, say, a couple of years time you find you're still hankering after the piece of paper that binds you together in law, organise a pre-nup to secure your finances, and have a great day

Absoutely no, no, no. You could potentially see your kids' inheritance going to him and his....Don't do it. Why not just do one of those fake ceremonies on a beach, wouldn't that cut it?!

No - I wouldn't. It might eat into the children's inheritance. No!

I would not do it either. I think you can commit fully to a partnership without a ceremony or a piece of paper. And without pooling everything! I have been married, and am now divorced, and if I had my time over again I would not have got married.

To me, marriage is less about romantic commitment and frilly frocks and is far more a hard-nosed contract about inheritance and assets. :) Offers a degree of protection & security for women in the traditional marital set-up where they might have lower earning capacity due to having children and that kind of thing. But in your situation, which is far more equal, the only people who really need protection are your kids.

I'm not in a long term relationship but, if I was, I would arrange my affairs legally so that everything I had went to my DS in the event of my death with some kind of clause that meant the surviving partner wasn't rendered penniless/homeless. No need for marriage once you've done that. Then you can relax.