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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Where to from here

11 replies

starflake · 18/03/2013 16:09

Ok so DPs folks invited us up to theirs on sat for a family get together. I wasnt sure if I could go or not as I might have been working. Turns out I wasnt working so I could go. Friday I text him telling him I could go and what time had we to go at, he text back saying around 7. I asked then if he was bringing his kids as he had them that weekend to which he rang me back & said he was going to but wouldnt if I was going. I said no its grand still go with them & I'd sit it out as wasnt going to get babysitter for my kids if kids were going up (his brother was bringing his kids also). He said get babysitter to mind his kids & my kids and stay in my house although previously has said that he doesnt want them staying in my house as thier mother lives close by and they do want to go & see her. Anyhow he had to go back to work so phone conversation ended with we would talk about it later when he called over. He called and we didnt talk about it..... Next day i rang him & brought the night up in conversation as a lead up to him to talk about the plans, I felt I couldnt as it was his family & didnt want to not have his kids go because of me. Anyway he didnt mention anything about it, later i done the same & still he said nothing about me going or could we come up with a solution.
He rang after he collected kids when he got home & said I better phone u now as DB was on his way to his house as they were staying there that night. That kinda pissed me off as just cause he DB etc round doesnt mean he cant ring me for rest of night! Anyhow after phone call I text him pointing out I felt he didnt really want me going & kinda made it obvious as no conversation toke place after it was said previous day it would.
Ill add here I was diagnosed with a chronic disease on Wed & suffer from depression. After being diagnosed I went on a bit of a downer which he knew about as i told him i was a bit sad.
He responded to text on sat saying about the solutions and i still said no! I said no we were to follow up on that conversation. Anyhow I text saying i just needed to say it as was playing on my mind and didnt need added shit in my head after my health stuff. I didnt want me mulling it over & escalating into something bigger. Told him to enjoy his night & tell everyone I said hello. He text back another smart text.
Roll on to sun, he wont talk to me, I rang him to which he ranted that i take out all my problems on him (we had a row 2 weeks previous because i took my issues with my kids out on him but sorted that) and hes sick of it. Hung up the phone and nothing since. Ive text several times to which i received very few texts back & the ones i have got back are horrid. Telling me to fuck off & leave him alone!!! We are together 2 years & have had our up & downs like everyone but I really dont think i deserve that treatment.
This isnt the first time, every time i bring up an issue he does this. He walks out, sends angry & hurtful texts, finshes it & then we sort it. I think he doesnt want it sorted this time & to be honest i dont think i do either. Tired of not being able to talk about stuff between us without a kick off. Its sad cause we just had an amazing week & generally we get on amazing. Just this issue keeps arising.... Dont know what im asking really.......

OP posts:
ArtVandelay · 18/03/2013 17:00

Am I missing something here - but why didn't you go with the option of getting one babysitter for both sets of DCs?

Sorry about your recent diagnosis.

starflake · 18/03/2013 17:32

Cause DP isnt comfortable with his kids staying here. So Im not going to ask him to leave his kids here when he doesnt want to & he knows that. Hence we said we would talk about it later & come up with alternative plan.

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ArtVandelay · 18/03/2013 17:43

But he said he wanted to get a babysitter for both DCs in this instance -why not take him at his word?

Not giving you a hard time but, from experience, second guessing people gets you on a hiding to nowhere. Also if you want to repair things you need to try and analyse where your interaction went wrong.

I'm a right hot head at times. I personally, need to know why stuff kicks off so I can apologise for being an arse (if I have) and know to hold strong if I haven't. Do you want to fix it or do you think its time to say goodbye?

starflake · 18/03/2013 17:52

Cause i didnt want to make him uncomfortable just to suit me i suppose. Not sure when it all went wrong though as i left it all ok as in enjoy urself etc..... I want to make it better, to many good times to say goodbye just now

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ArtVandelay · 18/03/2013 18:08

Well, if its otherwise a good relationship then I'd apologise for second guessing him and leave the ball in his court. I'm not sure its really great though if he sends abusive texts everytime you have a row. Maybe its time for a real warts and all evaluation of the relationship?

Xales · 18/03/2013 18:51

How often has this happened in the 2 years you have been together?

every time i bring up an issue he does this. He walks out, sends angry & hurtful texts, finshes it & then we sort it

It sounds shit to be honest. Do you sort it or does the subject get dropped?

izzyizin · 18/03/2013 18:54

This isnt the first time, every time i bring up an issue he does this. He walks out, sends angry & hurtful texts, finshes it & then we sort it

What's the point of letting this childish twunt continue to bring you down? What lessons are your dc learning from your relationship with him?

In the light of your recent diagnosis, I would suggest this is a time to do away with unnecessary melodrama and look for support from those who care about you rather than themselves.

starflake · 18/03/2013 19:04

The issue at hand gets sorted but the next time i bring up an issue its the same, he walks. He doesnt like me bringing up issues that are around him. Last time this happened i told him he had to start making a contribution to my house, he doesnt live here but spends most nights here when he hasnt got his kids. He went off on one & accussed me of making him feel uncomfortable in my house (this is 1.5 years into him living here basically rent free). Now he did buy things etc like shopping bits & bobs but would go some weeks when he was short not buying anything, even though he works & i dont. Its like he cant stand being criticised......

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starflake · 18/03/2013 19:10

I think izzyizin thats what im looking for as in he's all about himself. I love him but Im not happy. Im constently on eggshells around his ego.Im not sure if its me or not causing the rows as hes always blaming me & it confuses me.

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ArtVandelay · 18/03/2013 19:14

Well, I know its sad now but I think this might be a lucky escape. I really think once you get a bit of distance from this chap you won't look back.

starflake · 18/03/2013 19:33

I think so to ArtVandelay, I was extremely happy before I met him, independant.... Now Im a wreck waiting for him to get in touch!

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