After reading many threads on mn i at long last understand my very strange family. Thankyou MN!
Im going to try to briefly explain my situation as i really need advice as how to put all the stuff in my head in a place ,IYSWIM?
I am one of four dc.
My dm is an alcoholic. She has been an alcoholic for about 25 years.Due to this and smoking 40 a day she has various life limiting health issues, which she uses to control all the family. She is very manipulative. She has a view on everything & everyone. She is a very intelligent women. She presents as a victim, has done even when she wasn't ill.
My parents divorced when i was 8. Df has without a doubt, Aspergers. He was a very heavy drinker when i was a child but no longer drinks regulary. Although we have maintained contact he has never taken any intreast in any of us. We have turned into his carers, which he views as our role.
My older sister is very like our mother. She has fallen out with all but one aunt in the family. She, like dm has strong views on everyone and everything. We live very close to each other and she gives her views of aspects of my family life, weather i ask of them or not. Possibly the fact my dp is very quiet & has not been good at dealing with stuff that has happened over the last few years, gives her the impression he is weak.
My younger sister and brother are i get on very well. My older sister has nothing to do with my sister. Very long & boring but i have realised its about how inadequate my younger sister makes my older sister feel.
To give you an example of how my older sister & mother are: I have 5 dc. Oldest 2 are grown up. Younger 3 with my dp of 14 years. I had a mc 3 weeks ago. I told my sister & mother, as i ended up in hospital, so i called them to tell them i had a mc. They didnt know i was pregnant as we were waiting to announce it after 12 wk scan. It was when i went for my 12 wk scan i was told the bay had died.
My dm said it was sad & why hadn't i made dp get sterilised? She also said it was for the best as it might have been like my ds who has ASD & ADHD. My sister reacted by telling me she thought she was going to vomit. She called me back, i asked her if she was ok? She said yes, its just the thought of you being pregnant made me physically sick. She also pointed out the baby was possibly like ds. She then said about getting sterilised & asked if they would sterilise me whilst doing the ERPC! I must point out i have never mentioned being sterilised and have no desire to be sterilised.
My sister makes inappropiate comments nearly every time i speak to her at the best of times. Not one of them called me the week after i had the ERPC. I was in terrible shock & very upset about the mc.
The first time i spoke to my older sister after the mc she proceeded to tell me my 3 youngest dc have challenging behaviour. I pointed out only ds has. My ds with SN is, at times very difficult. The other 2 are typical dc! I told my sister this but she spoke over me & repeated 3 times, that all my dc are challenging.
Sorry this is so long. Now i've made this realisation about my family, its odd as i feel free but where do i go from here? I have not called my mother or sister since the night i told them i had mc. They have called me twice. If i tackle them, they will deny they said anything wrong. Its there way or no way. Dp says i should ignore them & to disengage.
My younger sister has been amazing. I adore her and she's my best friend. I really appreciate the "normal' & unconditionial relationship i have with her.
If your still reading...Thankyou. How do i deal with this? I can't work out the best way forward with this situation. I know i can not go back to the way i was. It as if i have suddenly seen my dm & ds as many others in our family do. I cant ignore their horrible behaviour and bitchy comments.
TIA.