is it too late to save our relationship?

[AnnieWelz]

My story is sad and now I am losing the man I fell in love with. Please let me share my story. It started out beautifully. I had found God and was so close to Him. He had healed me of depression and I was so happy and I was set free. I joined a church and got baptized. The same church is where we met and we were baptised together. We thought we were meant for each other.We were so in love. We dated for about a year and a half but then we started playing with fire. He asked me to marry him but I would stall because of fear and insecurities. People were also telling me he was only after a green card. We didn`t get married and drew farther from the Lord. Still seeing eachother. Everything was a mess, we fell into sin. I got pregnant. Shame, guilt, anger entered into our lives. We started fighting constantly. I was still unsure of marrige and was full of fear and resenment. My insecurities stem from past child sexual abuse and I trusted in him and told him about it and instead of being there for me and understanding he changed the way he treated me and started putting me down and looking down on me treating me with contempt. I still love him besides this. He says that this past thing hurts me and him too and that im not over it yet. He thinks im crazy and need therapy. It was true. That did affect me but I have been seeking healing from the Lord and He has been helping me. I now feel I have no more fear and have put that in my past. Not lettibg it define my future. Do you think there is hope for our relationship? Will he change and understand me? Will we may be a happy family with our beautiful daughter? I miss the way he used to love me. We were so in love and it all messed up because we( but mostly I )didnt trust in the Lord. If only I trusted that if I married him God would have been with us and he might have started to draw near to the Lord and we would had been together... but I was so fearful. I think he resents me for this. Is it too late for us? Why cant he understand what I am going through and being so cruel?

What strikes me about your op is how you describe having sex as playing with fire and and you also say "...if I married him God would have been with us and he might have started to draw near to the Lord and we would had been together..." From a non christian point of view, there is nothing wrong with sex after dating for one and 1/2 years and children out of wedlock is not a sin. You seem to suggest that the Gods have turned against you maybe because of these sins and that your drifting apart is the manifestation of the wrath of God .

Is he treating you this way because you refused his hand in marriage? Is he using religion to punish/abuse you into submission?

Sorry about your horrid childhood experience. But this guy lacks compassion and has treated you with contempt when you poured your heart out about the abuse.I understand you saying he is helping you but his initial reaction, for a devout christian man is shocking. Also you seem to be under fear of God to see this man for what he really I wouldn't dismiss the green card motive as the whole op seem to suggest that not being married was the root cause of your problems.

Ask yourself this; If you weren't a christian,would you date this man? What do you get out of this relationship?

There is no hope for your relationship. People do not change. It has nothing to do with god, nothing to do with 'sin', nothing to do with whether you were married or not and everything to do with what sounds like a rather cruel and manipulative man that has seen you as a vulnerable person and decided to take advantage of your situation & exploit that to his own ends. People like that don't want to understand what you're going through, change their behaviour, or be compassionate. Just because someone is in a church, it doesn't mean they are not a horrible person.

It is not your fault. Do not blame yourself but please talk to someone about proper individual counselling .... your GP perhaps. Your whole life appears to be unduly influenced by some very odd religious views regarding relationships. It is not 'falling into sin' to have sex with a man you're not married to.... this is 2013, not 1763. Wherever you are getting this twisted and prejudicial information from it is doing you no favours whatsoever

I think you need to talk to your minister or a decent/helpful Christian in RL. It sounds like people had qualms about your relationship early on. It also sounds like the relationship has led you away from where you want to be. Try working out where you are at, what you believe and what you want for the future and then share that with your DP. I think if you can be clear about these things you can then give him the option to get on board or leave.
I don't think marriage is a fix for a relationship which isn't right. The Christian idea of marriage is in part about marriage with the right person it's not about any relationship being good simply because the people concerned got married. Don't beat yourself up about where you are at now but look at how you can make good choices now for the future.
HTH.