Advice please- sex issue

[Needtofixthis]

Our relationship is almost completely sexless, entirely down to me. DH and I have a great relationship in every other way, and lots of physical affection, but I have no sex drive whatsoever- I can't even imagine what it must be like to have one anymore.

I have always had an issue with sex being painful. Have seen a GP and gynaecologist about this but neither can find anything wrong. I am 100% convinced thus is not a psychological thing, as I quite often feel pain/ soreness completely unconnected to sex. I also grew up in a very unhealthy sexual atmosphere- my father was abusive to my mother, and while no sexual behaviour was ever directed at me, there were things going on in the household which were not good. I don't feel that this affects me now (I have had counselling to deal with other childhood issues although never felt able to discuss this particular topic) but I wonder if subconsciously it has somehow affected my libido as an adult.

I don't know what to do, but I know I have to do something if I want our relationship to last and DH not to end up resenting me and/ or feeling rejected. Has anyone been through similar and managed to fix it?

I feel so low about this.

Have you considered psychosexual counselling?

I have thought about some kind of counselling, but I'm not sure how to even go about finding someone- I don't think I can face discussing this with my GP in detail, he is not a sympathetic figure. Can it really help with sex drive? It just seems so impossible to me right now that I could ever desire sex

I believe with the right therapist it can be enormously valuable.

A very close friend of mine had psychosexual counselling as her marriage, whilst loving and affectionate, had become sexless. They gained a huge amount from it (even though it was tough) and managed to reignite the physical side of their relationship.

Can you ask another GP in the practice for a referral? Or is private counselling an option?

Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate it. Private would be an option, yes- in a way I would prefer it if I could avoid seeing my GP. Is there any way to find a good therapist easily though without going via the NHS? I just tried googling my area and dozens of sites come up but I am wary of seeing someone just based on an Internet search.

I would go through the BACP or UKCP websites and look for someone who specialises in psychosexual issues. Although really any counsellor worth their salt should be able to work with you on this. Or you could go via Relate's website but I have heard mixed reviews as they tend to train their counsellors in house which isn't as thorough as other institutions like universities.

I would definitely recommend psychosexual counselling. Though you say you are sure the problem is not psychological, the fact that tests have shown nothing physical wrong plus the fact that you grew up in an abusive household would make it a lot more likely that there is a psychological element to the problem.

You might want to have a look at this site which is by and for women with sexual or psychosexual difficulties or just women who want to talk openly and honestly about sex.