Is there a way forwards? family arguements, illness and upsets!

[GreenGuppy]

Regular user but NC for this is case situation 'outs' me.
Difficult situation very few in RL know about the complexities and I end up having few people to talk to.
DH and I have a wonderful relationship. We are very happily married for 9 years, have a lovely DS who is 2 and all in all we've have had a blessed marriage and partnership.
Over the last year a number of external things have happened which have put pressure on us. We started trying for DC2 and quickly fell pregnant but unfortunately had 4 mcs at diferent stages. The fifth pregnancy stuck and we are due our baby in not too many weeks time.
Just as I fell pregnant this time (literally to the day!) all hell broke loose with my DH's family. DH worked in a family business, due to a family fall out not involving us at all (generations above) he was suddenly told around the time I fell pregnant he no longer had a job and wasn't to be paid for work he had completed over most the summer. We instantly stopped trying for baby but had already concieved. My FiL at this time become very unwell. DH started up his own business (same field) though it is taking some time to get going. In the meantime FiL has become increasingly unwell and DH spends alot of his time propping up/ supporting the 'old' family business for the sake of FiL but with no renummeration (long story but this can't and won't be rectified due to family fall out). In turn, not developing his own business and turning down work etc. However one of the reasons I love my DH as much as I do is he is a good man in every sense and will always try to do the right thing which is why we are here I feel.
My concern here is that DH is now getting really low, feeling like he isn't financially contributing to our family, baby on way etc, etc. I have a very good job and we can survive off my income, maternity pay and savings until I return to work. Yes I'll probably go back earlier than originally intended but we'll manage. He wants to be supporting us but struggles with his commitments to his family (in-laws). Dh is getting increasingly depressed thinking he is is letting everyone down and sees no let up or way forwards in the situation. Truth is the 'old' family business can easily be sorted but this is totally out of our control and others don't seem to either want to or able to sort it. So we're stuck between where we were and where we want to go. We have plans and have dreams but this is holding us back. I love my in-laws as much as DH does and don't want to let them down but also struggling to find the balance between our family needs and wider family needs, ultimately I want my happy DH back!!! Is there an easy way forwards?
Not sure if anyone can help but maybe just needed to vent!

I don't think there is an easy way I'm afraid but didn't want to read and run.

Personally, I think he needs to step back from the family business, it's been made clear he's out, he's not getting any payment and it sounds like a whole mess. I think he needs to concentrate on his own business, but I can understand why he wants to help his family out.

I think all you can do is support him and encourage him to make a decision one way or the other.

Sorry that's probably not very helpful

I know and we really don't want anything from family business other than to secure his parents (everything they have is wrapped up in this).
I just keep hoping some resolution will come forth before DC2 is born as I don't want this overshadowing what should be a wonderfully happy time in our little family. Sometimes I feel selfish for thinking that, sometimes I get really angry at the situation and just want us to walk away but most the time I just want to find a way through for everyone but feels like a huge weight on my and DH's shoulders!

Truth is the 'old' family business can easily be sorted but this is totally out of our control and others don't seem to either want to or able to sort it

why would they want to sort it they have a free lackey who will do their bidding no matter how badly he gets treated,

Dh is getting increasingly depressed thinking he is is letting everyone down and sees no let up or way forwards in the situation

It is very unfair that he is being put in the situation, which cannot continue, he needs to give notice as to his availability, he needs to concentrate on his future , your future.

He must tell them he is leaving, tell them what they should do, and leave them to it.

Thanks quote, I definately see the logic in that but do feel DH needs to come that decision on his own, I support him 100% but feel this is all too sensitive to push him on.

Is there any way that your DH could call a meeting of the 'old' family business?

In this meeting he presents what he believes needs to be done to sort out the business. In that same meeting he makes clear that he is not going to carry out these actions. He makes clear that he can no longer prop them up as he has his own responsibilities to meet.

I suspect that the old family members will react by insisting he knows nothing, has no place to advise blah blah blah. This then gives him the cue to walk away with his head held high knowing that he did the right thing. At the end of the day he can give advice but they dont have to take it. You can take a manager to the information but you cant make him think!

Is there anyone neutral he could talk it out with, form a game plan?

Is there anyone the family would take advice from?

could he ask what their future plans are, have they even thought about it?

he does need to form an exit stagey as the precent position in unsustainable,

if it is having a knock on effect on your family you are paying for other people's mistakes.

Thanks, maybe is way forwards, definitely agree about exit strategy, just don't want to make things harder for pils whilst they've got so much on their plate!

Thanks, maybe is way forwards, definitely agree about exit strategy, just don't want to make things harder for pils whilst they've got so much on their plate!