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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I want them to stop judging me

7 replies

PrincessTeacake · 17/03/2013 15:13

I'm 29 years old, disabled by fibromyalgia, chronic bronchitis and have a touch of OCD that is relatively under control. I have my ups and downs but for the most part I'm doing pretty well, I have a job I love, a great boyfriend, a hectic social life and a number of hobbies that I'm starting to get to professional level at.

Right now, I'm living with my father. I lived in the city for eight years but had a terrible time health wise last year, struggled to pay rent by myself when my housemate bailed on me and the cost of keeping myself healthy got too much. My mother suggested I move back home and commute to my job, it made sense at the time with the country in a recession. She doesn't live here herself, she moved to the other side of the country with her new man and as far as I'm concerned that's the best place for her. I love her, but she is difficult to get along with and doesn't really seem to care about what goes on in my life. She wasn't very helpful when I got ill and for some reason denies that I was in and out of hospital as a child, which I was. Moreover, I recently told her about the sexual assault I suffered at the hands of a doctor during one hospital stay and her response was 'Well, I can't blame myself, there's nothing I could have done to stop it.' True, but a bit too cold for my liking.

My father is much easier, I think he's happier now that she's gone and he ferries me about, waited on me hand and foot during a recent flare up that stopped my legs from working and was invaluable when I did move out, he made two trips to the city to get all my stuff and helped me clean the old house.

Here's the problem. She recently came down here for work and spent the night in the house (Dad chose to escape to the pub until she was gone again) and she walked into my bedroom, declared it a pigsty and told me it smelled awful. There is a problem with damp in the room that I'm trying to sort out but she blamed the clothes I had lying around. I haven't unpacked all of my stuff yet and with the commute up and down to work taking up a lot of my time sometimes I do just dump the clothes and run, but it was nowhere near as bad as she made it out to be. There's a lot of fabric floating around because I'm setting up a sewing studio in the back of the house and I'm still trying to sort out the storage there. I agreed and said I'd clean up, but she wouldn't let it go, just kept talking about it until I got very upset/ She's made comments like this before, called me a hoarder (I have a lot of fabrics, vintage dresses and works in progress which does create clutter, I'll admit) and told me she'd like to set fire to all my stuff. She has form for this, when I was a child she got angry with me about how untidy my room was so she binned all my toys except for one teddy and my walkman. She never asked about my health while she was here, made token inquiries as to my job and my boyfriend and flat out refused to give me a lift to the bus for work as it didn't suit her.

My Dad, again, is better but he's getting in on this too. I think he finds it hard to accept how ill I am, he doesn't understand how I can walk one day and not the next and he also infers that he'd like me to get rid of my clothes (again, lots of vintage, one-offs and handmade stuff, it's not going anywhere.) He keeps on pointing out that my coat or jeans are dirty when I arrive home from work, and every time he does it I explain that I work with small children who are very messy, and I only get to do my laundry once a week. I told him today I started doing yoga again to help with the pain and stiffness in my joints, he immediately asked how much I was paying for it.

Am I overthinking this? I used to just put up with it but I find myself getting angrier with them as time goes on, and being a regular lurker on this board and hearing of how other people have cut off their parents makes me less inclined to take it anymore.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/03/2013 15:24

Mother first... Just tell her to piss off if she starts that crap again. Look at it this way... if a perfect stranger had wandered into your home and made the same remarks would you be wringing your hands and getting upset or would you be showing them the door on the end of your boot and threatening the police? You've got to find some acid put-downs for this woman and fast.

Dad and the illness. It's very difficult for people who aren't sufferers to appreciate what one actually involves, especially if it's the type where there are good and bad days. However, you have to be assertive there too. It's kind of him to share his home but you have to put him straight

In this context, angry is useful. But turn the anger into something useful e.g. assertiveness and stop being worried about hurting their feelings. If you stand up to both of them I think it will change their attitude. A lot of parents don't handle the transition in their DC's from 'kids' to 'adults' well... we don't even have a word in the English language for a grown up son or daughter. 'Adult children' .. all wrong isn't it? It's why most of us leave home :) I suspect that your various disabilities have exaggerated the problem. They still see you as a big teenager to be managed rather than a grown woman.

Can you get your own place again?

badinage · 17/03/2013 15:38

It's a bit rich you're mum suggesting you move back home when she doesn't even live there and doesn't have to give up her own home to an extra person and their belongings, or her own time helping you. Was your father consulted at all about you moving back?

Unless your activities are damaging the fabric of the house and therefore her investment, it's not her place to comment on your clutter.

Your dad though, does have this right I'm afraid. It's hard to give up a clean and tidy home and cope with mess when adult children return home. You're presumably living there rent free and so if you have a busy social life and time for hobbies, you really do have the time to clean up after yourself, unpack properly and stop leaving your hobby materials lying about. Buy some storage for it and pull your weight. It's the least you can do for your dad, who's been helping you so much.

It often feels like heresy to say it, but just because someone's got disabilities it doesn't preclude them from being selfish, a bit lazy or entitled. Or having any other unpleasant character fault for that matter. If there's any truth in the sense that you might be hiding behind your pain to avoid doing jobs you find unpleasant, pull yourself up short and remember that you're an adult guest in someone else's home.

Shr0edinger · 17/03/2013 16:14

I would lock your bedroom door on the grounds that the sight of your stuff seems to unsettle them. BUT agree with other posters, be grateful that you are a guest in your dads house. tell him u r grateful. it goes a long way. also, maybe point out that u dont have a hoarding problem, u have a normal amount of stuff condensed into your bedroom .

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 17/03/2013 16:58

Sorry, but I agree with what Badinage said. In spite of your history with your mother, her opinions can still be valid. Imho it is a definite wake up call if anyone is thinking/saying "hoarding" when looking at your space.

I am a quilter and understand about your "stash". However, as you probably already know, fabrics do need to be properly cared for to lessen damage from dirt, dust, ultraviolet light, and even mice. I would imagine this would go doubly for vintage pieces.

I am sorry that you have so many challenges to deal with, but you do need to find the responsibility to do the things you need/should do and not just the things you want to do, iyswim.

PureQuintessence · 17/03/2013 17:07

I agree with badinage, you are 29, not 12! I am shocked that you find time to hoard, have hobbies, boyfriend and friends, and work, but cant be arsed to clean up after yourself, and you keep your room a tip! Frankly, you sound like a petulant teen.

I accept you have fibromyalgia, so does my sister. She would however not leave mess around, and manages to keep her 2 bed flat clean, and has raised her dd (now 18) as a single mum. She also have various other health issues, like scoliosis, chronic sinusitis, and also nodular growths on her thyroid, anxiety, depression, and other stuff.

Dont take advantage of a kind hearted dad!

PrincessTeacake · 17/03/2013 17:35

I appreciate the responses, and I have to point out a few things I should have mentioned already. It's hard to explain exactly what the situation is and why I'm struggling without writing an essay that nobody wants to read.

  • I do pay rent in this house. My brother lives here too, we pay the same amount of rent. We split all the bills and we mostly buy our own groceries. It's considerably less than I was paying in the city and I am endlessly grateful to my father for this, and all the help he's given me, and I have told him this. I go easier on him than I do on my mother because he does his best to help me, and she only seems to help when it suits her.

  • The 'wake-up call' isn't really valid, to be honest. My mother is very minimalist and while I do have a lot of stuff and a problem with impulse buying, especially with fabric, I have no problem throwing things out when they need to be. I did have times when I slipped into hoarding habits but it's like any compulsion that comes with OCD, once you recognize it as a problem you pull back on it. I have a fixation on dirt (used to wash my hands with neat bleach) so I tend to keep things clean even with the clutter.

  • I don't really get to spend much time in this house, even though I'm living here. I have lodgings near where I work and I could work from Mon-Sat, run home Saturday evening to get fresh clothes and run back up Sunday night for work again on Monday. It's exhausting and with the bad winter we've had my joints are constantly swollen and stiff, when I have the chance to rest I rest. I only see my boyfriend once a month, keep in touch with most of my friends through social networking and most of my hobbies are things that can be done while lying down. I'm very worried about getting isolated because I had a breakdown a few years back and I lost all my friends, my job, my education and essentially my life, I am paranoid about that happening again.

I don't want to sound petulant or disagreeable, but I genuinely feel that I'm doing my best.

OP posts:
badinage · 17/03/2013 18:47

You gave the impression that you don't use the work lodgings though. You said your dad comments on your clothes when you get in from work. If you live out between Mon-Sat and are only at home on Sundays, are you just using your dad's house as a storage space and a laundry? Or when you say that you 'could' use the lodgings, do you mean that you don't?

Your OP also said that you have been reading about others cutting off their parents and were wondering whether that's why you're not prepared to accept their treatment of you. That seems wholly inappropriate in your dad's case and if your mother's still got a financial stake in the house, it would be impossible to accept board from her while cutting her off. That doesn't mean you have to accept hurtful comments from her though, or forgive her for not appearing to care about your health.

Why not have a frank chat with the people who do matter to you i.e. your dad and brother? Allow your dad the opportunity to lay down some house rules and then comply with them. You really do have the time to unpack your stuff and get storage organised and on your stronger days, to pamper your dad a bit and give something back.

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