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Original poster

When you wish you hadnt.....

23 replies

ohnoididnt · 17/03/2013 09:12

Gone up to the man you've been seeing for the past year (not a relationship - just regular contact, regular sex, regular praise and concern) after he suddenly stopped contacting you five weeks ago and you see him for the first time since then in town holding hands with another woman. He tried to say hi twice and I pretended not to see him. Then after knocking back a few wines and feeling terribly hurt I marched up to them both and told her 'oh. Btw - he's been f'ing me the whole time he's been f'ing you' turned on my heel and left. Momentary elation followed by worst feeling EVER. He's not a bad guy. He didnt really deserve it. He just should have told me and ended it properly. Now I am the crazy one.

Anyone else done similar?

Sigh.

OP posts:
pictish · 17/03/2013 09:14

Nope never.
If he hadn't contacted you in 5 weeks, then perhaps he met her 5 weeks ago?

You have no idea whether or not he's been seeing her and fucking you at the same time. Chances are, he hasn't.

That was a silly thing to do...but onwards and upwards.

HollyBerryBush · 17/03/2013 09:17

How do you know he'd been seeing her whilst seeing you? She could be a totally fresh relationship.

You weren't in a relationship with him; you said that yourself, so how could he end it?

Woman scorned etc etc.

Never have I ever given anyone the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me. I have dignity and pride.

Essexmamma · 17/03/2013 09:23

Oh well, it's done now, don't sweat it! I'm sure he explained and you may have been right in which case he deserved everything he got! He did owe you the decency of being straight with you at the very least.

He really isn't worth spoiling your weekend for, just move on and find someone better Smile

Original poster
ohnoididnt · 17/03/2013 09:26

Thanks Essexmamma. I know in the cold light of day how stupid it was. Was just looking for some reassurance x

OP posts:
Dahlen · 17/03/2013 09:26

Well, while I don't think you've done yourself any favours here it's not the way I would have behaved, don't beat yourself up about it too badly.

For women, behaving with dignity after a romantic/sexual liaison goes wrong all-too-often means putting up and shutting up. Long-term, it does actually give you greater satisfaction I think, but in the short term it's a licence for men to behave shittily and women to do nothing.

Ultimately, while he doesn't 'owe' you anything at all, it's basic common decency to tell someone you've had a long-standing FWB situation with that you no longer want the arrangement to continue.

He was a coward not to tell you, and it was rude to just stop all communication. Even a quick txt would have sufficed. While he may not have 'deserved' your wrath, he ran the risk of it happening the minute he decided you weren't worth even a txt. Treat people like shit, they tend to do the same back to you.

LibertineLover · 17/03/2013 09:30

After 5 weeks, I would have presumed it was over anyway? but it's done now, bollocks to it.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/03/2013 09:32

He shouldn't go around hurting people's feelings if he doesn't expect a few metaphorical (or literal) hair-parting blasts as a result. Don't think you did the wrong thing at all personally. Bit bonkers perhaps but not wrong. Far better to have a yell and get it out of your system than to sit seething and feeling powerless. It's his problem now :)

something2say · 17/03/2013 09:34

Yeah bollocks to it. Sorry it ended. Here's to the next one!!! X

pictish · 17/03/2013 09:36

Hmmm...he probably didn't tell her the arrangement was over, because the new relationship might not have worked out...so he'd prefer keep his shagging options open.
If you agree to be someone's fuck buddy, that's all the consideration you get.

WhoWhatWhereWhen · 17/03/2013 09:40

wow, at least he's had a lucky escape.

I hope he doesn't own any rabbits

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 17/03/2013 09:47

Not your finest hour.

Take from this the lesson that you're not cut out for a fuck buddy type of arrangement.

pictish · 17/03/2013 09:49

That's right...you're not fuck buddy material OP. Don't involve yourself in a set up like that again. x

SucksToBeMe · 17/03/2013 09:51

What Cogito said, he shouldn't have stopped contact so abruptly.

nkf · 17/03/2013 09:55

What's done is done. Try not to think about it. Personally, I think regular contact, regular sex, regular praise and concern is a relationship so I think it's a bit shabby just to stop contact. Try not to brood on it.

pictish · 17/03/2013 10:21

I would never be a fuck buddy btw. I can think of people it works for, but I know it's not for me.

OneHandFlapping · 17/03/2013 10:24

I think he behaved badly and is obviously a coward. Even fuck buddies deserve to know what's going on.

Don't worry about it. Hopefully you gave him a nasty shock, and now he's going to get some shit off the other woman.

WhoWhatWhereWhen · 17/03/2013 10:33

OP did you try and contact him during the 5 weeks? The reason I ask is if I hadn't heard from someone and that was out of character ( which seems it was ) I would try and contact them, If they didn't reply ( and taking account of the type of relationship ) I'd take the hint and move on.

ATeacherWritesHome · 17/03/2013 10:47

Oh man, poor you! He hurt your feelings, and that's bad. So hard working out what's a relationship and what isn't.
It's the feeling of rejection that I can't stand even when - in my sane and logical mind - I don't really give a monkeys about it. Still hurts!
Apparently emotional rejection triggers pain sensors. That's why we hate it so much...
Good luck with the next one is all I can say. Have you read The Rules? Some people think it's a bit cheesy and prescriptive, but it can be so good for a woman's self-esteem. Gave it to my beautiful friend (single mum) who kept getting walked all over and she's now happily married to the loveliest good looking guy you could wish for.
Self Help books are my secret shame!
Good luck anyway!

binger · 17/03/2013 10:54

Who cares, he should have treated you with more respect. It wasn't very nice to be ignored for 5 weeks and then encounter this, we all have feelings. Forget it, you'll be laughing with your friends over it in a few weeks.

UnderPuns · 17/03/2013 11:00

He's behaved like a coward and you had a moment of madness. I'd say forget about it but I imagine you'll replay the whole incident over and over in your head for a while to come yet!

cupcake78 · 17/03/2013 11:05

You may wish you hadn't but actually I find this quite funny and am pleased you did Wink

You've only done what most women wish they could do. I bet his face was a picture Smile

Laugh about it. It's done. At least you didn't cry at him and declare your undying loveBlush.

It could have been alot worse and your only humanSmile

pictish · 17/03/2013 11:14

I don't wish I could do that. Involve an innocent party in my moment of vengefulness, and let the world see how hurt and jealous I was? Sorry, but no.

If he thought so little of me as to cut me off at the first sniff of a better offer, he'd be chopped liver. He'd never know the strength of my feelings, and would never set foot over my door step again. Finito.

By the same token...I don't think it's a complete disaster either. If OP just diverts to plan Chopped Liver, then she'll do grand.

He's a user, but then I wouldn't expect anything else from a fuck buddy.

arsenaltilidie · 17/03/2013 12:29

Whether he knows you are hurt or not, who cares what he thinks.
In time you will see the funny side to it Smile

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