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Relationships

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Original poster

I'm thinking he's being ignorant or am I just expecting too much?

25 replies

RocherChoc · 16/03/2013 23:56

My partner and I are living together 99% of the time however he has his children at his own house on a saturday night due to space issues. On the saturday nights his kids entertain themselves in their rooms mostly whilst he faffs about on his PC/guitar/watches TV etc (the kids are teens). So, despite the fact that he's not "Busy" with the kids or busy doing much of anything really he barely replies to texts and can't even be arsed to send me a good night text on the one night of the week we cant sleep together. I don't bug him with texts all night, he sent me one earlier about 7pm, I replied - I then got a 3 word reply to that at 9.30pm and as I say, it's not as if he's busy!! I told him a few weeks ago that it kind of bugs me that he doesn't send a goodnight text (he used to in the beginning) and he said he understood and would make sure he'd send me one when we can't be together. So, he sends me a question in a text at 10.30, I reply to that and said I'd send him a link on facebook (to answer the question he asked me) and I've not heard from him since - so he's probably fallen asleep now so i guess I can say goodbye to a goodnight text.

I mean seriously, it takes a few seconds. His kids are busy on their xbox/laptop and he's "busy" watching tv. Is it too much to ask? he says he misses me on a saturday night, he can't do can he!

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 17/03/2013 00:03

No, he's probably glad of the break.

Ashoething · 17/03/2013 00:06

seriously? you sound like hard work.

gingermcflea · 17/03/2013 00:07

I felt a bit suffocated just reading your message. Leave him to enjoy a night to himself and with his children. If he wants to text goodnight, he will. If he does it simply because he's been told he had to, well that doesn't have a lot of meaning anyway, does it? You sound a bit exhausting, tbh. Sorry.

Tortington · 17/03/2013 00:08

dial the phone number and say goodnight. it's called talking - great form of communicaton

HollyBerryBush · 17/03/2013 00:09

This is his time with his children - you sound very high maint TBH - he probably likes his night away with some P&Q.

clam · 17/03/2013 00:17

Why does not texting you every five minutes make him ignorant?

whethergirl · 17/03/2013 00:23

Why is it so important you get a text from him to wish you good night? Don't you think that's a bit silly?

XiCi · 17/03/2013 00:23

A goodnight text? Really? Are you 12 years old?

AnnieLobeseder · 17/03/2013 00:23

You sound very needy. It's one night a week and his children deserve his attention on that one day. Enjoy the peace and quiet.

tallwivglasses · 17/03/2013 00:35

Ouch! people have been harsh Rocher, haven't they? - but they've got a point. Is there a reason you need this contact so much on his day away from you? Has he absented himself before or acted suspiciously when he should have been in contact?

badinage · 17/03/2013 00:36

Agree with the others, but in actuality you've been in reasonably frequent text contact throughout the evening.

Do you have kids yourself? If not why aren't you out with friends or doing your own thing?

MsWinnieBaygo · 17/03/2013 00:57

I don't know why most posters are being so to be honest. Yes, I would expect a goodnight text too. Not frequent texts throughout the evening but a goodnight text would be nice and considerate and show they were thinking off me. Equally, if you know someone isn't busy and is sitting beside their phone then, yes, respond to a text when it takes 5 seconds to do so.

And no, I'm not 12 nor high maintenance

I'm sure most of the posters, if their DH was away with work would like some contact - don't see why it's by different if its a night that your DP isn't spending with you.

BeCool · 17/03/2013 00:57

I don't see how this is ignorant on his part at all. And it's not really about you expecting too much either.

It just sounds unrealistic and unnecessary and I wonder why you
feel you need this level of attention and/or constant contact for the 1% of the time he's not with you?
Relax, enjoy a night in your own.

(Possible reverse thread?)

ElectricSheep · 17/03/2013 02:06

MSWinnie - why would you want your live-in bf to show they were thinking of you when they were with their DC for one night a week? I'd rather they were being a good dad tbh.

I also don't understand this 'you must be glued to your phone and respond to texts immediately' thing. Why? I quite often switch mine off when I want some P & Q.

deleted203 · 17/03/2013 02:14

Agree with almost all posters. It's fucking ridiculous to expect him to be sending you a 'goodnight' text when, in your own words, he's with you 99% of the time. He texted you 3 times from 7.00pm to 10.30pm and you're whining that he didn't say goodnight!

Leave him to enjoy his time with his children on a Saturday without demanding to get your needs in there as well, for God's sake. I'd feel suffocated in this relationship if I were him.

ArbitraryUsername · 17/03/2013 04:33

In addition to sounding dreadfully high maintenance, you are also assuming that your DP is not doing something else. He could be doing all manner of things (watching a film, playing Xbox, having a bath/shower, interacting with his children, etc, etc).

I take it you haven't been living together very long. The feeling that you need to say goodnight every time you can't sleep in the same bed will almost certainly wear off. Give it time and you'll be looking forward to having the bed to yourself!

lottiegarbanzo · 17/03/2013 04:44

What else are you doing all evening? Sounds like you need to go out, see friends and have fun.

Astelia · 17/03/2013 05:59

I agree with all those saying you seem very high maintenance. I feel a bit sorry for the poor man. He is spending time with his teenagers but you can't leave him in peace.

Perhaps you are very young. I certainly think you risk pushing him away with your needy behaviour.

I would also question your use of the word ignorant. It seems a strange adjective to use.

Original poster

RocherChoc · 17/03/2013 08:03

Ok not meaning to drop feed (was rather tired and a little tipsy when I wrote this last night) but he's currently supposed to be proving his loyalty and feelings for me since I found out that whenever he wasn't with me he was "chatting" to other women online and telling me he didn't have time to text me (despite having the time to message another woman on msn all night). This tended to be on a Saturday night when his kids were in their rooms and he was "busy" on his computer. So yeah, guess I'm a little needy and insecure but he's made me that way.

OP posts:

gingermcflea · 17/03/2013 08:07

He hasn't made you that way. You're choosing to be that way.
A better choice might be ending an unhealthy relationship with a man who either cheats on you or would like to. Get rid. This is not good for you.

meditrina · 17/03/2013 08:13

Sorry, in what matters is he displaying ignorance?

You describe his inattention, but I can't make out how this is connected to lack of Knowledge. Or do you mean his ignorance is because you've never explained to him what you want (I suppose this must be the case, because he couldn't be ignorant of your wishes if you had told him). In which case, you need to accept that his lack of knowledge is because you've made an omission, and get on with fixing it.

It won't occur to him spontaneously, as most people don't text when in same house - unless it's the size of a castle.

overmydeadbody · 17/03/2013 08:22

I don't understand why you think he is being ignorant?!

You are being needy and clingy and demanding.

So you know he chats to other women on a Saturday night when he's with his kids, how would a goodnight text to you make any difference?

Doing what you tell him to do is not any way for him to prove himself to you, it is just him being obedient.

Sending you a goodnight text because you have demanded it does not mean he is putting the relationshi first or showing you how much you mean to him. He could still be chatting to other women allnight.

How long have you been together?

lottiegarbanzo · 17/03/2013 08:23

Well, you trust him or you don't. Sending you a couple of texts won't prevent him from being in contact with other women.

I've heard the word 'ignorant' used more generally to mean boorish, disagreeable or off-hand, in the NE of England.

TobyLerone · 17/03/2013 08:26

Oh, god. Just end it. You'll never trust him and you'll always have that feeling he might be up to something.

You're driving yourself crazy and probably pushing him away. It's no good for anyone.

ApplyYourself · 17/03/2013 08:29

You again

Advice still the same

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