Just want some guidance on how to do small talk with strangers

[northwestagain]

I don't consider that I'm totally socially inept, but I do struggle to keep a conversation going when I meet new people, like when I've joined a new activity group etc.

After I've got past "How long have you been coming here?"
"Do you have a family?"
"Have you come far?" and that sort of stuff, I get stuck for something to say and don't seem able to maintain the conversation or the interest of others.

Could I have some tips please?

British? the weather - always a fail safe opener for conversation.

Without knowing what the group is, direct questions like 'have you got a family' are a complete no-no - you need to ask open ended questions that necessitate a response.

So I'm going to imagine you like rock climbing -

'do you have a family?' - odd question to ask someone dangling from a rope ..... 'my family thinks I'm mad doing this, what does yours think?' - entirely different way of asking the same thing.

'How long have you been coming here?'', try something like 'this is my first time I'm quite nervous'

"Have you come far?" ..... alternatively "the buses/trains were murder today, are they always like this or was I just unlucky?

Ask what their interests are - I find getting the other person to talk is the easiest route. Get them to bare themselves to you, discussing the weather comes across as a transparent way of sparking up conversation because you have nothing better to say.

FORD. Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams.

Also, some people are talkers, others are listeners - don't assume you are uninteresting because no one asks about you - they are the garrulous talkers of any group.

Persevere, you'll make friends - like minded ones

this fab book will help
The first one on the list

Thanks so much - these things may seem obvious to you, but not to me at all. Holly your suggestions about how I might change what I say were really helpful - think I've just got stuck in a rut of saying the same old thing.

The key is follow up. Otherwise, it becomes like ping pong and easily drops off and dries up.

They tell you they came from Town X. Have they lived there long? Would they recommend it? What's the nicest thing about it? And usually, they are off. Open questions, not closed.

I read an interview with Prince Charles who was asked how he managed to find something to say when speaking to strangers - he said he found a good tactic was to reply with the last word of the persons comment to him - so eg. if someone said to him 'i live in Cambridge' he would say 'Cambridge? have you lived there long?' that kind of thing.....

I'm pretty socially inept too, have tried it and find it does help.

HollyBerryBush, that was brilliant advice!

And, as others have mentioned, the next step is to actually listen to the response, and pick up on something in the reply.

It's lovely to actually feel that someone is interested in my opinions, rather than just talking at me. And, sadly, quite rare . . .