AIBU about weed?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Ok. So I have a new boyfriend. He's lovely in so many ways. Great dad, lover, kind considerate. Only ( and pretty major) bugbear for me is that he smokes weed and i hate it. He never smokes around me. He does have this stoner mate though whom he is out with tonight. Trouble is I hate weed as it makes me go psycho. He said he will give it up for me ... but then that would make me the boring, controlling girlfriend won't it? What do I do? I don't want to break up over this but I worry it will drive a wedge between us. Mabe he needs a gf who is not so anti-drugs?

Hi all. I think it's over. Basically his reaction on Sunday hurt me when he admitted that he wasn't sure he could kick the habit. To which I said I thought in that case he might be an addict. He maintains it is only a bit of weed to help him wind down after work. So if it is only a bit of weed then why is he prepared to put this over a relationship? It made me mad as I feel that what he said about giving it up for me was bollocks. He says he needs to think because of my bad reaction to his smoking. But in my eyes anyone who has to think about if they are going to put a drug over girlfriend can't really care that much.

And ultimately he has to give it up for himself.

Good decision superstar. If he needs time to think about, that would tell me everything I needed to know. I also think he is in denial. I have very stressful days and don't need weed to cope.

Nah. No way.

I've been following this thread for a couple of days and just want to give you my POV.

When DP and I met 10 years ago, we both smoked it. I was a very much one at the weekend person because I couldn't really handle it, he was a heavy heavy user. I never really saw the problem with it because I never knew all of the risks associated with it. I gave up before I got pregnant because it just ruined my weekend when I smoked it, and I would rather have a drink. At that point never saw the issue with DP smoking it.

Then I fell pregnant. And DP started smoking grass. It stinks. It made him depressed. I started to hate that seedy eyed look he had. So I asked him to give it up. He gave up did it behind my back.

Long story short, we are about to break up after 10 years and 2 DDs because he is addicted and I cant take the mood swings, the smell, the lack of motivation and above all else the lying about it. I don't want it in the house and he agreed not to do it here, but waits until I'm in bed or out the house and rolls himself a fat one. I can fucking smell it though!

For example, this morning I took the kids to school and when I came back he was gouched on the couch and I could SMELL it. He flat out denied it. That was breaking point for me.

Save yourself some heartache and don't go there. Apart from the kids, I wish I hadn't.

Fuck I think I need a thread of my own, sorry for the hijack OP

spongebob, that's a really sad story and in no way a hijack since it could be the OP ten years down the line. I'm so sorry for your predicament.

My ex flatmate smoked weed so much that in the end he dropped out of his job. I hated coming home and seeing a foggy room full of stoned people with blank eyes looking catatonic and talking in that horrible sleepy voice. I moved out when his "friend" was slicing and weighing resin on my kitchen scales.

OP- trust me, if he isn't prepared to give it up for the sake of your relationship, he isn't worth having around. My 3 year old DD with my first boyfriend, who got me hooked on weed and then onto crack cocaine, has only had her father in her life for the past 4 months or so because of his addiction, we're no longer together and he's now kicking off over custody. He's accusing me of being back on the drugs which is absolutely not true, I actually think he might have started using again but I have no proof and so won't be making any accusations. It's an absolute nightmare, but our relationship started out incredibly similar to yours and if someone had told me at the beginning this was how it was going to turn out, I would have laughed. You're best off getting out now before things have a chance to escalate. Trust me.

Spongebob- so sorry to hear your story. I wasn't with DD's dad anywhere near as long as you've been with your DP so I can't pretend to understand, but I can sympathise, it's really rubbish :( I can't tell you how much better everything was after I split up with my ex-bf for the last time though- hang in there, getting away from that stuff makes the world of difference. You're doing the right thing.

Don't waste your life or your children's lives on him.

He smokes to destress. Having children around him full time will be stressful. He can't not have a spliff when he sees his own kids, so what's he going to be like when he is around your kids every single day? He will smoke more and more.

Don't bother.

Good call OP - kick him to the kerb.

But I'm also thinking - you've only known him two months - that's 8 weeks - surely that's only a handful of dates so far (unless you've seen each other constantly which would be a red flag on it's own IMO...).

So why did you need to meet each others DC in that short space of time?