New baby has just really affected us. Any advice welcome

[PenelopeChipShop]

I don't get how people get their mojo back after having a baby. Had DS (first child) 8 months ago and if I'm being honest our relationship has never been so bad. Almost never have sex - no opportunity as ds is such a bad sleeper he comes into our bed every night. He hardly naps either. A couple of times we've tried while he is sleeping and he wakes after 20 mins. I am exhausted and snappy and much less patient than I used to be. Just feel like ds gets all my energy and there's nothing left for DH.

DH works really hard and is tired. He doesn't want ds in the bed but its the only way to get any sleep. We are meant to be sleep training him but putting it off as we are both dreading it. House is always a mess even though we have a cleaner. I just feel like I can't keep on top of it. Ds won't sit and watch me tidy up he always wants my attention. I don't understand how other mums get things done, I must be Inadequate. I see mums with manicures and nice hair and think. How on earth do you manage that. I look scruffy, never have time to do hair and make up. I feel sorry for DH as I don't feel like the same person but I don't know what to do, there is never any time for us. How do people reconnected alone have a second child. I just feel like we are surviving not really enjoying things, when surely we should be happy to have such a lovely healthy son.

Also just a weird thought do you have music or the radio on during the day? I used to clean with Radio 4 on, or some really bouncy music, and then DS was happy to watch me he was sort of fascinated by the sounds coming out of the radio.

Tough times for you my dd1 was a terrible sleeper and very clingy but has grown into a reliable sleeper who is confident and happy- it will get better but I can remember very well the total despair I felt when she was little. We struggled to have energy for time together and I hated not enjoying my mat leave as had such fluffy ideas of what it would be like compounded by the seemingly fantastic times every other new mum seemed to be having my h v said at one point that I needed to remember that parenting is a marathon rather than a sprint and that everyone has difficult times at different times. We get the m& s two dine for £10 offer once in awhile to make us feel like we have a bit of a life!! Just try not to be hard on yourself - you are going through a tough time but it will get less exhausting .

if there is one thing I would redo from my parenting it would be sleep training.

Sleep deprivation is used as torture for a good reason. When my friends babies started sleeping through the night by themselves I was astonished and assumed it would happen with mine, but no. I think I was the one that needed the training, and dc1 didnt sleep through till he was nearly 3. I bit the bullet with dc2 at about 18 months and getting a good night's sleep transformed my ability to cope.

Just wanted to say it's not you, it's the baby. Our first was like this, didn't sleep through for ages, never wanted to nap, pretty fussy. I was pretty scared of having no2 tbh. But ds2 came along and although he's only 5mo I already feel much more like 'me', even with him and a toddler to deal with. He's just a much easier baby - sleeps well at night, naps for ages, happily watches me potter about. Every day it feels like a miracle after what we went through first time round.

So just do what you can for now til it gets easier, and know that you're not doing it wrong, you've just got a 'spirited' baby. They're really not all the same.