Anyone regret leaving?

[GroundHogDayAgain]

Has anyone out there left their dp/dh and regretted it afterwards?

I am physically and mentally preparing myself to leave DH. I have two small dcs. I've been thinking about it for years. But I'm scared what if I regret it.

Any advice/experiences really appreciated x

Your not pathetic, I know how hard it is when it comes to the end of a relationship and you just don't know what to do

My youngest was 4 - she has no real recollection of us all living together. So long as you can facilitate plenty of access for them, they will grow up assuming that's the norm. Two happy (but separate) parents is better than being unhappy. There WILL be times when the dc are upset, but you just have to be there for them, and know you've made the right decision.

I never regretted leaving, but i did wonder sometimes whether I should have stayed 'for the sake of the children' - ultimately I couldnt have done it.

" how have people managed financially and practically doing everything on their own?"

When I found myself on my own I didn't have DCs to consider, but there's a certain motivation and urgency that comes from being 100% responsible for your own life which is pretty hard to ignore. When you're 'it' and there's no-one else to fall back on, it's amazing how resourceful & creative you discover you are. I did all kinds of practical stuff to keep the financial show on the road... got a lodger for the spare room, became guardian to an overseas student, went for better-paying jobs... with no-one holding me back, tutting and saying 'that'll never work' it was a massive confidence boost into the bargain.

In your shoes (but I'm an awkward bugger), I'd be going for independence, thumbing my nose at your unsupportive so-called family and my attitude would be very much... 'I'll show you'.

I haven't been in this situation myself (at least not a separation with DCs involved) but the only people I've ever known regret leaving are those who left for someone else. In every other case leaving was absolutely the right thing to do and the friends and their children flourished. Your kids are a great age to do this now; it's much more difficult when they are older, partly because they've already been damaged by witnessing a dysfunctional parental relationship. To the naysayers: they don't have to live in your marriage, so they should butt out.

Try to find a way to keep your job options open, as financial independence is always the key to freedom. Another way to look at this is that it's very unlikely you won't form another relationship in time, with the opportunity to pool resources and childcare. Also make sure you insist on your soon-to-be ex doing his share of the parenting and making a fair financial contribution.

Go!

My only regret is that I didn't make him leave 3 years before I did - if I had we may, ironically, have saved our marriage.

It's a sink or swim situation IME, and I couldn't have done it without admitting I needed help and accepting it from wherever it was offered (including MN). So if your family aren't supportive reach out and ask other's - most people like to feel useful at times like this and you deserve it.

It's ok and perfectly normal to wobble, feel afraid and look back for something familiar to hold onto. You will survive and there will be wonderful times ahead when you no longer ask yourself if it was the right thing because you'll know.

Well I started clearing out some paperwork in my room so I've got less stuff to take with me when I do go.

I found old birthday cards and holiday snaps back when things were good. Cards from flowers he used to send me. Little things like that.

I feel very low and depressed. Wish I could feel what I used to about him but I just don't.

I feel very guilty at taking kids with me too. I will let him see them as much as he wants to but it's not the same is it. Times like this I have second thoughts.

I am in the process of leaving. Well, when I say leaving, we have the house up for sale so I'm stuck in limbo at the mo.

We've nearly split a few times but I always worried for the children, had anxiety/depression so stayed.

Now, after 20 years, enough is enough and there is no way I'm spending the next 20 years with him.

I wish I'd done it sooner but he was very clever at making me feel like I needed him and wouldn't make anything of myself on my own.

We 'split' on Xmas day and the first few weeks were horrendous. As time has gone on and even though we are still under the same roof I am feeling so much more positive, know I can do it without him and most of all realise what a total utter twat he is!

Whatever the future holds for me, I know in my heart of hearts that it will be 100% better as he won't be in it.

Be strong, follow your heart and don't give a monkeys about what other people think, this is YOUR life and you deserve a brighter future. I've had the 'oh how sad', 'are you sure you can't work things out'? To which I can honestly say NO!

Groyndhog, can tell u that 1&4 are good ages to leave. the questions i was asked(few) were simple. the straightforward answers were accepted. dont leave it til the children have views on who should live where and why and for how long and with whom!

Ps and by leaving him, you r not preventing him from being a good father. time will tell. but either way it will be his failure or success. his beingva good father is not down to YOU

No regrets whatsoever, I left 3 years ago, we were together 15 years.

Recently spent the day with ex-H (DS's birthday) and realized all the tension is gone. We're good at co-parenting, we work hard at it. DS is happy and his life is stable.

I've just had a promotion and things are looking much better financially.

I've started dealing with things from my past and feel emotionally much tougher and resilient.

I'm much better at managing money and my budgeting works. This year due to diligently planning and saving, I am taking DS on holiday.

I feel confident and as if I am fulfilling my potential. I've grown.

Its scary to take that first step. I won't say its easy - but you will find inner reserves of strength you never knew you had.

Good luck!