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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am cracking up...please advise

12 replies

WaitingForGodOh · 15/03/2013 17:08

I am so miserable and unhappy and feel utterly trapped. My marriage is crumbling under the severe strain of a whole host of issues and problems. I just dont know what the fuck to do.

We have two children. One has SN and severe behavioural issues, and his behaviour has hugely taken its toll on family life, our marriage, my mental health, my career, my whole life.

I am very socially isolated and have only been able to work in part time, term time only 'mum jobs' for years because of lack of childcare for our child with SN, despite having a promising career beforehand. This means my earning capacity is shit, I am socially isolated and, for the last year, have been clinically depressed.

DH has taken on a big burden, realise, both as main breadwinner and in trying to support me through my illness. I am grateful. But I am so deeply unhappy.

The atmoshere in our home is terrible. DH and I both stressed, tired, unwell, sniping at each other. DS constantly kicking off. Our other child showing signs of being badky affected by the stress and arguments.

I just dont want to do this anymore. I dont want this life :-(

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 15/03/2013 17:19

If you don't want this life then you need to change it.
I can't imagine what it's like for you so can't really advise but I do know that you only get one life and that should be as happy as it can be.
If this relationship isn't working and it's bringing you down, you need to look very closely at it and decide what you need to do.

Brodicea · 15/03/2013 17:22

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so utterly despondent.
Could you get some form of counselling, either for yourself or as a couple? That might help you disentangle all the reasons you feel so depressed, and see what changes you might be able to make? It sounds like a vicious circle of stressors.
Counselling can take a while if you go through your GP, but it might be worth a shot. Otherwise, some clinics do various price bands for types of counselling.

OR there might be counselling or respite services available to you as a mum of a child with SN? Maybe through a charity....

yellowbrickrd · 15/03/2013 18:42

I'm so sorry, that sounds really hard.

Have you posted on the SN board on MN? I'm assuming you've already explored all the help available for your ds but just in case, there might be some other suggestions on there. There might also be a local group you could meet with to help with the isolation.

ImperialBlether · 15/03/2013 19:45

This sounds awful but I would urge you to hold on to your marriage if you can. I know you're sniping at each other but things would be so much worse if you were trying to deal with this alone.

How old is your elder son? What are his special needs? I assume you've spoken to doctors about his behaviour - what's the response been?

I feel so sorry for your younger son. Something has to change - do you know anyone else in your situation, perhaps with an older child, so you can see how things have gone?

lovesherdogstoomuch · 15/03/2013 20:01

you poor poor lady. you need help right now. do you have family you can turn to? if not, you can't carry on like this and need to get to professional help. they will point you in right direction. you both sound like a lovely couple, had kids and been thrown a really shit hand. please don't give up. your DH sounds like he's trying his best. i'm sorry i'm not much help, but i read your thread and it really touched me. you need someone to help you both. i can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. best wishes.

DorisIsWaiting · 15/03/2013 20:41

How much help do you get from SS for your child with sn?

It appears you need way more support than you are getting, and tbh that would be my first port of call. Tell them what you've told us that you are NOT coping and need more help or they will have bigger problems.

If you could get care for your ds would you be able to get a little more time with dh / other dc to work through some of the difficulties?

rhondajean · 15/03/2013 20:48

Is there a carers centre near you? Are you in touch with them? They may be able to help and they may have a young carers project for your other child.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 15/03/2013 21:04

Have you looked for respite centres near you? There is help out there. I'm sorry op it sounds really tough. Could you afford a caret even once a week ?

RoxyRobin · 15/03/2013 21:55

Oh OP I'm so sorry - this must be soul-destroying. The worst of these situations is that you can never see any way out of them - just more of the same down the line. I know that when you've got so down it's hard to galvanise yourself into doing anything about the situation, but you must get the professionals involved, as the other posters are saying. You and your DH are battling against the odds to keep your family together - improve those odds by demanding your rights.

Finances may be the least of your problems, but you may be entitled to a Carer's Allowance. I know my mother's neighbour had a child on the autistic spectrum and she was given one, even though her husband was a high earner - his income was not deemed relevant. Perhaps you can put the extra money aside to finance a break for you and your DH.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2013 21:02

Hello, OP. I hope you've had a better day today.

lovesherdogstoomuch · 17/03/2013 20:55

hello Op. are you ok?

greeneyed · 17/03/2013 21:39

waiting no advice, just to say I feel for you it sounds so hard. You are doing your best for your children and no doubt a great job. I'm sorry there is so little support for you. I hope things get easier

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