Is it me?:(

[3stars]

Hello, I posted on here a week or so ago, I find your responses very helpful so here I am again:) as per my last post I have been unhappy in my marriage for some time now and at the moment I am unable to care that things are not right, I have tried for so long I feel I have given up because nothing changes, we had words two weeks ago where I tried to explain I was unhappy(again)and why, he appears to listen but nothing changes and the next day we are supposed to carry on. I have been miserable and grumpy and not especially nice to him lately cause I just can't be bothered:( I know that sounds bad:( this past weekend he had off but because he chose to stay up the previous two nights until 3am on the computer he never got up on the Saturday morning which made me very cross:( I went out with the children and got back at lunch time and he is all jolly and normal as if its ok-it's not, really it's not, I asked him to leave me be so I could get on because I was so cross and wanted to be left, I later went to go out I the afternoon and did not want him to come, he then got really angry, came at me and wrapped his hands round my neck and told me I was horrible, nasty, mean etc to him - which really is true but only because I just feel I have given up:( I went to leave with the children for the night, he then said he would go, made a call to family who turned round and told him not to leave his house and possessions, if anyone leaves its me with the children - the house is in his name. I left with the children for a few hours and told my family. I then had to go home, we had a conversation where I was very upset etc and it was said that divorce was now a possible option for us. The next day we are supposed to forget all that happened and move on - sorry, can't.then Tuesday evening he is like why are you not talking to me? I said what had occurred on the weekend and he is all defensive and said 'you want me to leave now?You want me to move out now?' No, I just want to sort things out, this has all pushed me just too far this time and where in the past after an upset I have moved on(sometimes unwillingly)this time I just can't. He has since blamed it all on me because I pushed him too far he lost his temper, it's also my fault because I subject him to mental cruelty by not really talking to him and being curt etc. Is is me? Am I overreacting?should I just be able to get over this and move on? Sorry it's long, thank you for reading.

He had his hands around your neck and convinced you that you were the horrible one.....? No, you're not overreacting. If anything, you've badly underreacted because you should have called the police at that point and had him arrested for assault. Ignoring someone or being short with them is fairly normal. Assaulting someone is criminal behaviour. You are married to a very nasty, dangerous and abusive man. Getting over it and moving on... i.e. accepting this appalling treatment and pretending all is well, is the very last thing you should do.

I think you need to make an exit plan but do it very, very carefully. I'd suggest you start by calling Womens Aid. 0808 2000 247 They will be able to talk to you about keeping yourself safe in the face of abuse and can offer advice on how to proceed. Leaving with your children may be the most sensible move right now. If your family know what's going on and can offer you a place to stay that's going to be useful.

Also make an appointment with a solicitor or CAB to discuss your rights in the event of a divorce. The house and possessions that you currently think are his would be classed as 'marital assets' and you would be entitled to at least a 50% share of everything. As you have children that might even be higher.

There are some practical things that you can do. Finances for example. Do you have your own bank account? Are things like child benefit and tax credits paid into it? Get copies of family bank statements, keep passports and birth certificates safe.

Good luck

Thank you for your reply. We have separate bank accounts-nothing is in joint names, I receive the child benefit and tax credits and have been squirrelling money away for a couple of years now. I have been to see a solicitor today to see what my options are. I just can't do this anymore:(

Seems like you are doing everything you need to do to get out.
But as said up thread - think you need to do it quite quickly.
Really sorry this is happening to you.
Good luck and keep posting here for support.

I'm glad you're taking legal advice. But do keep yourself safe, planning carefully etc. He's gone for your throat once and he cannot be trusted.