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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just want to sound off about my bloody family...

10 replies

FrickingFedUp · 14/03/2013 22:45

Had a night in with my family tonight, just a curry for my birthday.

As usual it was like an episode of meet the fockers, everyone talking over each other having had one too many glasses of wine.

Then my mum started telling me about my male cousin, who also happens to be gay, having an eating disorder. Apparently it is a binge-eating disorder, he has always been thin, but has put on over a stone in a month. I said it is not surprising given the extreme diet he has been on, he went on a "boot-camp" and posted all the chocolate he was going to eat when he finished. What I meant was that it was quite a disordered way of dieting. I commented that it was like how I ate, given that I yo yo after a lifetime of dieting.

My mum said "yes, he's thinking like a woman because the gays have more female hormones don't they?" I disagreed and said that that is not the case at all, if gay men had more female hormones they would have breasts.

My dad and brother then started chipping in with, "well why are gay men camp then?" And other such enlightened contributions...

Then my brother said the reason why he is gay is because my aunt was a single mum, my dad then stated "yes, single fathers do not have gay sons - FACT!" - yes those very words.

(All of this went on on a background of listening to my brother, who happens to be an IV drug user btw, sp shouldn't throw stones, ranting on about immigrants all evening, and how he didn't mind gays as long as they weren't aggressive ones)

At this point I then stated very firmly that they were all talking bollocks - homosexuality is a multi factorial thing, and is in fact a variation of normal, not s psychological illness but a lifestyle choice if anything... But this was the "wrong" thing to say as my dad then (interrupted) said "oh so they CHOOSE to be gay do they, I thought they were born that way but did not have a choice..."

I tried to explain that that was not what I meant, but that basically being gay was a variation on a conventional normal, and not anything to be ashamed of, but was interrupted and shot down for having "extreme" and "radical" views. At this point I just gave up, after being made to feel I was getting a bit shirty and had no sense of humour. I ended up apologising for being moody.

Please tell me I am not a moody freak, but had a fucking point?! Worse thing was I used to think my dp was fairly well brought up and open minded, but seemed to agree with them and was equally ignorant.

OP posts:
HousewifeFromHeaven · 14/03/2013 22:54

Well I thought gay people were born gay too. Not a choice. So, err, I'm not much help there.

With regards to family arguments though I normally just smile and nod. Its the only way forward with my family!

Happy birthday by the way.

FrickingFedUp · 14/03/2013 22:56

I know that was a bad choice of words. I didn't mean it was a choice. More that it was not a big deal. Thank you.

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jynier · 14/03/2013 23:09

... send your family to me, OP!

FrickingFedUp · 14/03/2013 23:20

As in an alternative lifestyle, rather than a lifestyle "choice". I just thought he was jumping on semantics to try and discredit my argument thus confirming he bigoted one.

Do you mean you'll sort them out j? Can't imagine you'd want them for any other reason.Grin

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tribpot · 14/03/2013 23:22

single fathers do not have gay sons - FACT!

Ha ha - clearly your family want to give you enough material to write a scathing satire in a Mike Leigh stylee, thus ridiculing them on film forever.

Or they are very stupid and narrow-minded people. I can't understand why you would spend your birthday with them, to be honest.

FrickingFedUp · 14/03/2013 23:31

Yeah I was beginning to wonder trib. Thank fuck at least someone agrees with me so I can reassure myself that I am not some liberal loon.

Am very disappointed as I thought better of them. Thought I was in some kind of daily mail twilight zone tonight.

Yet why am I here feeling bad for ruining the evening by speaking out and not just laughing along with them?! They all left not long after my "outburst"

Oh and by the way, another nugget, earlier in the night, after discussing Anna and Katy, the new comedy on four, my brother had announced that women weren't good at being funny, they were supposed to be demure.

I think it all just added up tbh. And I hardly had an outburst, just went a bit quiet and stopped pandering to their bullshit.

OP posts:
tribpot · 14/03/2013 23:54

women weren't good at being funny, they were supposed to be demure

I would ask him if he's considered joining the Taliban. He should fit right in.

RiffyWammal · 15/03/2013 11:46

I'm cross on your behalf Fricking.

My mom says stuff like this, and I always either say nothing and feel like shit afterwards for not speaking up, or I put my views across and point out where she is being sexist (yes, she is sexist about women, I can't believe it either) racist and homophobic and say why the things she claims are not true, and then I feel like I am being miserable and argumentative and deliberately troublesome. It's impossible.

Ideally, you and I should stay calm and lightly say 'I disagree' and explain why in a sensible, rational way, but I know that it's easy to lose it when people make these irrational offensive comments!

Thumbwitch · 15/03/2013 11:53

They sound like a bunch of unreconstructed rednecks, tbh Fricking - I know that's highly offensive and I'm sorry.

I can't be doing with that sort of attitude - my mum was a bit like that as well, she had a very limited understanding of many things and firmly believed that her own narrow view point was the only one that was right. She was Extremely Trying to listen to when she went into one of her mini-rants.

DH does it too about immigrants sometimes - I tell him he's being racist, he insists he isn't, but I'm sure he knows he is really, and then he shuts up about it all until the next time. He's not racist on a personal level - as in, he has no race issues with anyone he knows or works with or meets on the street - but he has this "anti-forriner" thing going on, which is very tedious when it comes up on the News yet again.

FrickingFedUp · 15/03/2013 20:13

Thanks all. I swear they never used to be like this. I always thought I had quite a liberal upbringing. I blame the daily mail giving away M&S vouchers to subscribe a few years ago, it all seems to have gone downhill from there.Grin Plus my brother is just angry at the world and doesn't get out much so everyone bears the brunt of his wrath at some point. Oh well all forgotten about now.

And I know what you mean about mum s being sexist. My mum thought the asda Xmas advert was actually an acknowledgement of all the hard work mums do and how useless men are. When I said I never want my Xmas, or my daughter's, to be like that I swear she just thought I was being a lazy cow. She feels sorry for my dp
I'm sure. Sigh.Confused

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