Today ex signs papers and house becomes my own. I should feel relieved but i just feel so so sad

[GreenEyedGirlxxx]

My ex is signing the house over to me today (and I'll pay him off basically).

It's been over a year since we split, and year today since I found out he had OW.

I should feel happy, relieved and be over this but I feel sad. Sad that all the hopes and dreams we had when we bought the house have gone. It really is all over. I know I'm better off, I know he treated badly - often still does but I still feel heartbroken.

Obviously we still have a link as we have 2 year old DS and that just makes it even sadder.

Just wanted to tell someone really - I'm putting on a brave face in real life and its hard work sometimes.

Offering a hand to hold and an unmumsnetty hug. There really should be a cake emoticon. It probably doesn't feel like it now but things will get better (and it may help to remember that now OW is your ex's girlfriend, she's created a vacancy...)

Oh, and nip that still treating you badly vibe in the bud. Detach, detach, etc. you WILL be fine!

It's a long grieving process when your relationship breaks down. As each practical hurdle is taken care of it gets more and more final. It is sad all those hopes dreams and promises gone, as well as a jump into the unknown.
Take the time to grieve for the past and remember your new future is alot brighter than the one you were truly on a path to (not a hoped path)
Xxxx

A sympathetic bunch of from me... Agree with the PP about various landmarks of separation. Signing over the house is one. Anniversaries are another. You'd have to be made of rock not to be sad or at least reflective at those times. If a blub helps... have a blub.

If you want a coping mechanism ... I've systematically gone through my house in the years since exH walked out and changed absolutely everything about it. From paint & wallpaper to bathroom suite to an extension, I've been gradually making it mine and effectively wiping away anything he touched. Just the kitchen to go so if you know anyone that's got £20k they could pop my way....

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it. You're right, if he hadnt left he wouldn't have changed and I would be unhappy. The future will be ok - it's just scary when it's unknown. It felt safe being with him.

I need to do some sums and work out if I can afford to stay in the house or whether to downsize. But redecorating sounds a good idea and a good way to have a fresh start.

Oh and Cogito if I win the lottery, I'll throw some your way as a thank you

Ex called me last night to say thank you for getting it all sorted. Hearing from him just made me feel worse to be honest so hoping not to hear from him until he sees DS next week.

Anyway, today's a new day, I have lots planned to keep me busy. Taking DS to his swimming lesson this morning, then seeing two friends and their new babies this afternoon. Tonight I have a friend coming over for dinner and some girly chat. Hopefully that all means I won't have time to dwell too much today.

I also went on a sort of date with someone last night. He was so lovely but I just don't think I fancy him and I so want to!!

You don't have to pick up the phone to your ex, you know.

Good point and something I need to listen to now, for my own sanity if nothing else - if it's truly important he can leave a voicemail and I'll call him back. Generally it's not important though, he rings to chat when not with OW!

Absolutely don't be his fall-back when he's bored. Exes are not friends, that's why they're exes. Call-screening sounds like a great idea. Decide if/when you are going to call him or, better still, respond to any phone messages with a short e-mail that sticks to the facts like visits or whatever

Hello GreenEyedGirl,

Congratulations on another milestone achieved. And it's ok to be sad - a year or so isn't very long. You can't put a lid on it after a certain length of time and say 'Hey I should be over being sad by now'. I'm nearly two years down the track, not divorced yet and really impatient about it - so I'm even slightly jealous that you've got to this stage already! And still have sad moments. Sometimes it is difficult not to feel robbed.

Your expectations of how you might feel in a given situation are sometimes not borne out. To me, winning never feels like winning should, but losing always does feel like losing! (If that makes sense)/ So maybe a sense of anti-climax is just ok.

And I agree with Cogito - as always - you don't have to pick up the phone to him. Grrrr!

Best of luck in your new future. Poppy