I have a good male friend who has confided his problems to me lately, and I am in a bit of a quandry as to what to say to his latest issues.
For the record, he is really JUST a friend, we have been good, platonic friends for fifteen years etc etc. no funny business!
He got married 3 yrs ago after a bit of a whirlwind romance. To be honest, at the time, I suspected it was a case of two people who really wanted marriage, children etc rushing in to things because time was ticking on for them both (he was 40, she was late 30s), but it was nne of my business, so was happy for them. I have met his wife numerous times, and she seems very nice, by the way, but the wedding was a bit odd (felt quite stilted, none of her family were there...couldnt really put my finger on it, but it didnt feel like a day filled with love...) and they often seem quite awkward in eachothers presence.
Anyway, they now have two children aged 2.5 yrs and 6 mths. I was aware that things between them have not been great - lots of arguments which seem to be over differing expectations of what they both want/need from a relationship. He hasnt really confided much in me, just the odd grumble when I have asked how he is 'things could be better', 'things are a bit stressful at home' etc but nothng too detailed and I havent wanted to pry.
However, he came over for dinner last week and he looked bloody awful - like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He ended up blurting out that home is like 'a living hell'. His wife is unhappy and thinks he works too long hours and doesnt help enough with the kids. They have been sleeping in separate bedrooms since their second child was born and his wide has told him she will not sleep with him and does not want any intimacy with him until he 'changes his ways'. He says he is breaking his balls to earn enough to pay for their home, lifestyle etc and that he does as much childcare etc as he possibly can - he works three nights a week so takes the kids on his days off, or takes the oldest child out so his wife can just have the baby, who is breastfed. He says he feels like he is living with a stranger and questions whether he ever loved her at all / she ever loved him etc. but feels unable to leave because the children are so young md his wife is financially dependent on him.
He was a total mess and I was quite shocked by how upset he was. He is usually such a calm, sensible guy.
What would you say to your friend in this situation? I suggested relationship counselling but he says his wife is adamant that the problems are HIS and will not consider counselling. I wondered whether his wife might be depressed, but he says hehas no idea as she will not discuss her feelings with him other than to say she feels trapped and like he doesnt love her.
I KNOW this is none of my business, but just wish I could find a helpful response to this. He is talking about leaving her, which seems rash when their baby is so young.