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Original poster

Befriending practical stranger and hiding it - suspicious?

19 replies

alisunshine29 · 13/03/2013 12:37

My DP worked at a different place to usual last week and met a woman there. He had never met her before (and probably won't see her again via work). He told me about some funny conversation they had and I thought no more of it. However, the other night I was on Facebook when it came up in my newsfeed that he'd just become friends with a woman. Again, I didn't think much of it. It was only the next day when I tagged him in a photo of our DD that I saw that he'd hidden from his timeline that he became friends with her. I looked at her profile as I remembered the name and its the woman from work last week. I have never been paranoid or made any comments about other women but I personally think this is dodgy. Firstly, I would not add/accept a man I'd met only once (usually he's quite a private person and fussy with who his Facebook friends are) and secondly I would not hide the activity. Am I wrong to think this is odd?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/03/2013 12:40

Deceit is usually dodgy

Ask him why he is hiding this from you

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 13/03/2013 12:43

I was planning to but then thought maybe its better to just wait and see if they have further hidden contact?
Just know if his friend or myself did something similar he'd say they were very dodgy so think he's a hypocrite if nothing else.

OP posts:
Stelmosfire · 13/03/2013 12:43

I dislike facebook for precisely this reason, it can cause all sorts of problems and nagging doubts. Sorry you are going through this

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 13/03/2013 12:48

Also the computer history showed he was looking through her photos and photos of a couple of other women he had interested in him when he met me. Women he also isn't friends with in real life but he still has on Facebook despite going through his friends and deleting unnecessary people a few times. Just makes me feel like hes keeping in touch in case anything happens with us. he didn't lok at anyone elses photos, just these women. He was asking about privacy settings the other day and now I can no longer see his friends list. However, I know his Facebook password (as he knows) and he hasn't changed that.

OP posts:
Stelmosfire · 13/03/2013 12:55

Why on earth is he hiding his friends list? I wouldn't be happy about that at all I'm afraid

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 13/03/2013 12:56

Well I only tried to view it the other day and couldn't, not sure how long it's been hidden for.

OP posts:
Stelmosfire · 13/03/2013 13:01

So do you think it might always have been set like that cos some people do that? Or was it visible at some point in the past

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 13/03/2013 13:02

No it was definitely visible a couple of months ago because I remember searching for his uncle on there.

OP posts:
kalidanger · 13/03/2013 13:04

How long have you been together? Perhaps he's not committed and keeping his hand in? Hmm

Shr0edinger · 13/03/2013 13:06

Don't say or do anything for now. Keep the password up your sleeve for later. Hopefully he was just boosting his numbers on fb.

Stelmosfire · 13/03/2013 13:06

Well it does sound a bit odd in that case. Not sure what you should do though.

I would probably confront because I'm hopeless at biding my time and waiting to see if anything else happens.

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 13/03/2013 13:13

Does definitely feel like he's keeping his hand in, but we've been together over 3.5 years and have a child together. I feel like in the past (previous relationships) I've always bottled things up and kept things to myself so maybe I should just confront him here and tell him he's wrong to add/accept a woman he barely knows and to hide it?

OP posts:
Shr0edinger · 13/03/2013 13:14

ps, an acquaintance's dh got his pony tail (yuk) cut off mid jan, got a new haircut. Well, he was out at the end of jan with *ben and then out again with mike and sam, and so on and so on......... when he changed his profile pic 9th march, people he claimed to have been out with on the 1st march were commenting on his new hair cut. That he'd had since mid january, that they (?) didn't notice when they were (allegedly) out on various dates from mid jan to the 1st march. That would have been the moment to take a screen shot. But when she pressed refresh, the incriminating comment was gone. He doesn't know yet that she has seen it.

Shr0edinger · 13/03/2013 13:14

But the important thing is, SHE knows what she saw.

Shr0edinger · 13/03/2013 13:16

Ps, you don't know who sent whom the request. he'll inevitably say she sent it to him. and tbh if he has over a 100 friends, and most people do, he can't say that his list is limited to friends and family only. The hiding it on the timeline is strange. BUT........ if you bring that up, you'll make him more careful.

afrikat · 13/03/2013 13:19

Bit odd that he is hiding his friend list but I don't think it's too odd he befriended her - I have on occasion accepted requests from people (sometimes men) I have only met once. I have also whiled away time browsing ex boyfriends photos just out of noseyness - I am absolutely happy in my relationship and not for a second would I ever cheat / flirt etc but bit of bored browsing isn't too weird I don't think

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 13/03/2013 13:24

Yes, was thinking that about making him more careful. His friends list is close friends, family plus these women. I just know that if I had one conversation with a guy at work who I wasn't likely to see again and he added me as a friend then DP would say he's trying to get in my knickers.

OP posts:
Catchingmockingbirds · 13/03/2013 13:27

You should confront him about it, and let him know you find it inappropriate.

AnyFucker · 13/03/2013 14:18

You know he is a hypocrite, so ask him straight out and don't be treated as a fool.

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