I'm a regular poster but have NC'd for this so please don't out me.
I just need some handholding while I vent.
Brief backstory. Married @ 10 years, both had DCs before we met. Youngest two (one mine, one his) teens, still in education.
DH is charming, funny, popular and hardworking amongst friends and colleagues. At home, he can also be moody, moany/shouty and uninvolved with family life unless he wants to be. Attempts to discuss such behaviour are met with anger, silent treatment and dismissive/deflective responses. As I hate confrontation, issues often do not get resolved properly.
Money is a minefield. He has/has had addiction issues with gambling, alcohol and smokes weed regularly.
After early disasters, I took over all financial matters. I hold his bank card for the account that his wages go into, and transfer him £70 per week. His travel, clothes and non day to day expenses such as meals out come from the main account so the £70 is his to fritter away. A while after we started that, he went into the bank branch and withdrew cash using ID. I was furious and he hasn't done it since.
Just when I was beginning to trust him...
We bought both DCs a large gift, splitting the cost with their NRPs. My ex paid up, his didn't. Asked SC about it on Friday, they look puzzled and tell me the money was given to DH weeks ago. Best part of £200. He comes home from a rare after work drink with colleagues and announces that he spent £40 on a round. Instead of me rolling my eyes and handing it over he got 'more fool you!'
I stewed until Sunday then confronted him after he complained that I always had a problem with giving him money 
I could tell he was about to deny it but didn't give him the chance. He admits it, but is clearly more sorry that he got caught. Holds his hands up, says he's a bad person and what do I want him to do? Says don't give him any money at all then. Also says he just likes to have money in his pocket (even though it drips through like water). No responsibility taken. At all.
Has since barely spoken to anyone, won't eat with us and is sleeping on the couch. Body language shrieks angry teenager.
I am sick of policing him but if I give him financial control then it's worse.
Since discovering MN, I have realised that I am married to a narcissistic, misogynistic addict 
I had years of low self esteem following a crap childhood and an abusive relationship. Can't believe I'm back here.
I can hear LTB loud and clear and it sounds so simple in theory.
But we're in social housing, can't afford private as individuals, and marital breakdown is no longer grounds for rehousing couples separately. It would also cause more problems than it would solve for the teen DCs, who have specific reasons for needing the stability that this home provides.
Am fighting tears