If you have a controlling DH, do you call them on it?

[GadaboutTheGreat]

Just wondering how people go about trying to resolve relationship problems when it basically comes down to the DH's behaviour?

How do you broach the subject of them pissing you off their behaviour, if they're likely to react badly anyway?

After another evening of DH stomping around and being generally arsey, I'm getting seriously tired of it
But have no idea how to deal with it.

We have 'house rules' (eg treat each other nicely, listen to each other etc, basic stuff the DC will understand), but we seem to be stuck in a big soggy rut at the moment

I have recently found that completely ignoring mine works well - I didnt actually speak to him for 4 days recently - it was great I also didn't do anything for him, no cooking or anything, and did whatver I wanted without recourse to him. Had a lovely weekend with friends , didnt feel the need to come home at a certain time etc

He was very sheepish and kind last night but I have made plans all week - he was asking if I was home tonight and I just said "No you were being an arse so I have made plans that I wont change"

I am considering splitting up but as an interim measure for me it works

some very good advice here.

you cant be in a relationship and be treated without respect. every time it happens, tell him.

you probably aren't too sensitive, it probably is him causing the problems and would he speak like that to someone else?

sometimes people try to minimise their behaviour and deflect/ "oh you're too sensitive" or "why is it always me who is the wrong one". its horrible and not an equal relationship.

of couse some people are bossy but when it gets upsetting to one person then its a problem.

call your H on his language and tone of voice, please. record him on your phone and play it back to him.

why should you have to deal with this?

suggest some self help books on anger and irritability.

suggest counselling.

ask him it it healthy that one person in the relationship is constantly feeling crap.

ask him how does this look to the children.

please dont let this continue as i'd hate it to erode your confidence.

I say 'don't even think about sulking. We need to sort things out now or split up. I don't want to split up over something as silly as (what colour the moon is- insert your argument here). What do you think?' This has worked for us. Re-marriage for both of us. Apparently my dh used to sulk for a whole week with his ex. I hate sulking so we discuss our issues. The sulking was symptomatic of a lot of pain in his past which he is now having counselling for. He is much happier! Good luck

When we first started dating, my DH did this. I can't even remember what the discussion/argument was about, but he didn't contact me for three days and wouldn't take my calls. When he came round, I told him that I was far too old to play playground games and wasn't prepared to. I said if he needed a 'cooling off period', then he could leave now and not come back, he would then have as long as he needed to cool off!! I opened the front door and went to sit down in the sitting room, totally ignoring him. When I heard the front door close, I nearly broke my heart - I thought he had gone... then I heard footsteps and he came into the room, apologised, said I was right and he was wrong (crucial ) and we talked about how his behaviour was controlling. We are still together and happy 10yrs on. He still tends to be controlling, and I still tend to resist, so we do clash at times, but understand that we are different and the clashing does lead to greater depth as we tend to sort it out.