Feeling sad about post-baby sex

[opalescent]

Just that really. It doesnt 'feel' the same to me. At all. Dp claims it all feels the same to him, but he would say that!! It definately feels less sensitive and Looser to me. Small baby, first baby, small tear, healed well. Any rays of hope? Baby 3 months old by the way.

Definitely, from a very similar experience. I think Thr nerve endings get all jangled up too. I would say probably took about 18-24 months for me before everything was back to normal but after that it has always seemed to be even better than before.

Keep doing your pelvic floors too, and try different positions, it took a long time for confidence to come back for me which didn't help.

It really is still early days - 3 months is no time at all for your body to recover from such a major event. Give it time - it will improve.

dh was honest with me and said it felt different. he said it still felt good, but it was different.
I thought it felt like a pin in a bucket.

it wasn't good.
we did it at 9 months and we haven't done it since.
dd is now 15mo.

I alsocan't use a tampon when I have my period. it all feels sooooo different down there.

I felt broken after our first post baby shag. I thought my Fanjo would never go back to normal and DH would run off with a "proper" woman. A few zillion pelvic floors later (and an eventual bit of sleep and just getting a bit of "me" back as things settled down after the first few months of hard grind newborn-ness) and things improved a lot. So much so we managed to conceive another one. Banned from DTD till after 34 weeks and really missing him.

Jesus woman, give yourself a break!
A lot of couples havent even had sex by the 3 month mark, Rhondajean is right, nerve damage takes a long time to heal fully, you could try perineal massage with bio oil or lube, if you are breastfeeding that affects sensation too and you definitely need lube, a bullet vibe over your tear scar can help blood flow + healing.
Your body has changed, it needs time to adjust - it will be fine.

Yes, rays of hope here. My sex life is better than its ever been and I had babies years ago!!
It takes a while for everything to go roughly back to normal and let's face it, you are not quite the same but no one stays the same forever.

Agree that breastfeeding makes a difference "down there" to muscles and moistness. A BIG difference. You will feel very different after stopping (although I loved breastfeeding and kept going with it).

Thankyou ladies, lots of reassuring replies.
I appreciate that there is still time for things to improve and return to normal. I suppose I feel impatient, as we've always had a very strong sexual connection, and I find it hard that it's far from what it was at the moment.
I'll get cracking on the kegels!!

unique that's sad, do you not want to try again?

Honestly, do those pelvic excercises, a year after DS I think it improved for me, now its better than before. I seem to have more feeling and orgasm much harder!! Don't feel sad, your amazing baby making body needs to repair itself.

Agree with the others - give it time. Both DH and I agree that it eventually actually improved even more after we had DS, but it took longer than three months.

Do your pelvic floor exercises, and keep 'practising' with your DH...

It gets better honestly. Do lots of pelvic floor exercises and be kind to yourself. It's very early days.

I'm always a bit confused by pelvic floor exercises- Is it as simple as 'pulling in' the muscles down there? And repeat how many times? Once a day? Or more? Despite their importance, I seem to only remember to do them sporadically. Must try harder.

Pelvic floor exercises - you should do fast ones (contract, then relax) times ten, and then slow ones (contract, hold up to 5-10 seconds if you can, then relax fully before next one) times 10, and at least 2 or 3 times a day. It's the same feeling as stopping the flow of urine and not passing wind simultaneously, but without 'clenching' iykwim?

I had sex again 10days after, but I had no complications, very quick labour, small baby and no tears....but at 10days it was awful...literally couldn't feel anything and dp went floppy as he couldn't feel anything either!!! ...

I got upset and vowed to do my pelvic floors every day 10 times a day, to start with I couldn't feel that it was even tightening when I tried to squeeze the muscles! now 6 weeks on everything is back to normal and I have a good sex life again! so there is hope!!

Start by stopping yourself wee mid stream and holding it for 6 seconds before releasing again, thats also a good way to make sure your using the right muscles :)

I also researched "vaginal cones"...you can buy them from amazon, they are like weights to help tighten your pelvic floor, they have very good reviews! luckily I didn't need to buy them in the end, but I wouldn't have hesitated :)

good luck, and you WILL get the sensation back!!!

Pebble - not yet. We will do at some point, but we're not that bothered (yet ;) )

I have the kegel8 and had sex early on with both babies. Both after 2 weeks and it was all fine. First few times didnt feel exactly same but by a month it did. Just stick it in and watch the telly.

Only thing with dc1 is they forgot to stitch me so got labial infection at 2 months and had to have op at 4 months but that was a midwife mistake.