Help my step daughter is behaving strangly

[100percentmummy]

My step daughter who's 12 is bunking off school regularly and pretending to be ill. She is avoiding being picked up from school by her grandad. My husband is worried sick about her andi think i should try to get to the bottom of it myself as i am slightly more removed. Her mum keeps making excuses for her and doesn't seem bothered. Last week her dad blew up at her cos she didn't turn up for her lift off her grandad and just took the bus home instead. I am wondering if she is avoiding her grandad for some reason.

Has anyone asked her?

no but i think i should but not sure how to tackle it

Could be a number of things, I find talking to dd whilst doing an activity helps, like painting a room or on a car journey so I'd try a casual chat and see what you get from that.

Reasons to be more concerned are is she being bullied at school, has she fallen out with friends, is the grandad abusing her in some way, is she using drugs or started smoking so she is avoiding grandad because he would notice etc

Can you arrange for her to get the bus instead of being picked up by her granddad? I know it doesn't answer the 'is there a reason' question but it might give her the space to talk to you about whatever is bothering her.

Incidentally, I threaten DSS (year 7) that if he misbehaves I will go and collect him from school and be particularly mumsy about it. It might just be she's embarrassed of him or someone has been winding her up.

Also, speak to the school as they might know if something is bothering her and thus why she doesn't want to be there.

Good luck, being a step parent is hard and I don't have the 'other parent' to deal with...

What's the problem with her getting the bus? My teen would be mortified if my Dad or Mum came to collect her

Is it just a pure guess about the grandad OP?

Poor girl is obviously distressed about something.

Best way to tackle it is one to one, at a time when there is plenty of time IYKWIM. Tell her you are worried about her. Tell her you can help, but only if she lets you know why she is bunking school. Start gently - as you would want to be approached yourself by a friend really.

thanks fluffyraggies that helps. I told her dad i think it'll help if i talk to her myself. will have to make sure we get the time

Good luck OP.
It's an old cliche, but be sure to tell her you aren't angry with her.

You could add in something along the lines of keeping this between the two of you, if it helps, for now at least. Let her know that you haven't been 'sent' to talk to her, it's because you want to - sort of thing.

You could throw in a mention that it could be arranged for her to use the bus if she wanted, without pushing her about why she would want that.