Flat sharing problems

[Rugbycomet]

Not sure if I've posted in the correct forum but.....

She is sharing a house with two boys and two other girls. One of the girls is very rarely there as she stays at her boyfriends most of the time. They are all at the same university.

There are a couple of problems....

The boys, particularly one is quite aggressive and my daughter is quite scared of him. She is no shrinking violet btw. He blew at her for putting his jumper over the radiator, as is usual to dry, and he was in her face as it smelt odd, as he said, like shit. She does the boys washing to basically keep the peace and is generally very placid and a peacemaker, as is the other girl. They both just get on with things to try and keep the peace.

Both the girls sort out the bills but there have been ocassions when one or other of the boys haven't paid and neither will admit to being the one. Consequently, the girls end up paying to avoid the utilities being cut off etc. The latest is that there is a court order for non payment of council tax. The boys will not pay.

I am obviously concerned because of...

1). The violence
2) the non payment and my daughter (my husband and I) am funding the non payment which then leaves my daughter sand the other girl short.
3). How the court order could affect my dd's credit rating in future.

The problem is I am not living in the Uk and do not really know how to resolve this. I have asked my dd to send me all the info regarding the court order etc but she is scared of the possible comeback form the boys. I am happy to send a solicitors letter but not sure it would achieve anything. The boys seem not to care. I have suggested that the girls go to the CAB and not to hesitate contacting the police should there be any hint of violence etc.

Sorry, this is long but hoping for a magic wand!!!

They should not be paying council tax if they are all students.

Oh, thank you 7to25

It must be the landlords responsibility...I will let her know

Why is your DD living with men who are violent and not paying the bills?

What kind of lease is she on, how long is it for? Did they all sign as a group or did she sign an individual lease?

She should go to CAB and find out how to get out of that flat. Anything else is just dancing around the problem.

Actually she should go to the student welfare office at her university -- they have seen it all before, they will give her advice to get out of there.

She needs to move out ASAP. That sounds like an unpleasant and abusive living situation.

Your DD should probably contact Student Services in the first instance, explain about the problems, and see what they can suggest. CAB is also a good idea. It is quite wrong that she and the other girl are being treated as skivvies by these bullying men and that they are being saddled with extra payments into the bargain. The landlord is responsible for the council tax btw. She and the other girl should be trying to get out of the rental agreement and seeking fresh accommodation.

Can't she move out? How did she end up living with them?

There is often disagreements over bills with students, there's always somebody who doesn't pay for something.

It's a bit odd shes doing other people's washing.

On the council tax -- that's right, none of them have to pay it.

Again, she should go to student welfare, they will show her how to get the exemption sorted.

Would second the counsel made for your DD to contact the Student Welfare office at her university asap. They could help her find alternative accommodation.

The boys will be moving out around May time. My dd is staying on in the house as she has another year to go and more friends are moving in for the next academic year.

I agree that she shouldn't be living with them BUT she is and I will get her to contact the uni welfare office too. Thank you for your advice dreaming

It is their responsibility as the tenants to tell the council that they are all students. Usually the council will want proof from them of their student status, which is usually a certificate from the uni.

This should all have been done at the start of the tenancy really, but should still be doable now.

I'd complain to the landlord about the threatening tenant. They can issue warnings and then evict him if necessary. Most shared properties have a clause in the contract about reasonable behaviour towards other tenants.

The bill money is tricky, a very common problem in student houses.

I flat shared for 25 years with many people. It's not uncommon for people to take the piss re housework participation (or lack of), eat each others food etc or have financial issues that affect other housemates (if they don't pay their share).

However I've never felt frightened of my flatmates. This is your DD's home for now & she shouldn't be frightened there. I think she should move out and find somewhere to live where she at least feels safe and is not being abused by male flatmates.

Thank you to all for your replies.

I have shared this link with her and so hopefully she will see that it is not just about mummy being a worrier.

I hope she takes note of all the advice.

Hi Rugby's daughter,

I know it's hard to hear but your mum is right on this one

It's not normal to do your flatmate's laundry or have to worry about them being aggressive. These guys are idiots. Good thing they'll be gone soon.

It's a bit more normal to have problems with paying bills. All you can do really is try to live with people who are decent and responsible.

It sounds like all you can do is sit tight til May and wait til these guys move out. But don't blame your mum for worrying -- I think any mum would.

Do see your student welfare office to get the council tax sorted.

dreaming

THANK YOU....

Yes, I did mean to shout....hope you heard

Why is she doing their washing?

Rugby's daughter, just because you are female does not mean that you are responsible for managing men's lives for them. If you get into this pattern so young, just for flatmates, I worry about you setting yourself for users and abusers in your romantic future. You should tell someone at Uni about what's going on. They are bullying and threatening you. No-one should have to tolerate that. I know it's hard finding new digs, etc., but it has to be better than what you're tolerating right now. You need to believe in yourself and stop feeling fatalistic about it all and make changes to get these men out and feel safe and happy where you live. All this stress can't be helping your studies either, you poor thing.

Rugby's daughter, go to your student welfare office today if you can - you have the right to feel relaxed and secure in your home, and no-one has the right to make you feel uncomfortable. If I recall my uni years correctly, there should be a way to get you into halls for a few nights whilst you get help to find somewhere nice to live.

And don't worry about comeback from the boys. I can tell you from experience that bully boys back down pretty darn quick when someone in authority comes along.

No worries Rugby

And yes, yes, yes to everything Oxford said

Thank you again. I know she's in lectures at the moment but I feel sure that hearing others points of view will enforce the facts about her not being used and abused!

I have spoken to my daughter and she knew that she didn't need to pay council tax but the council have messed up so she will be going back there again with their student cards etc.

As for her situation, she and the other girl are going to the welfare office....we will see what happens.

Thank you all for your support.

If I were you I would do the following: When the next tenants move in I would tell them that you will take care of all the bills. Work out what they've averaged out to monthly for the last year and then charge a little more and get a monthly direct debit set up with them (in advance) for these. Any leftovers can go in a kitty for a shortfall at a later date.

I still house share btw (in my 40s) and I would never again (not since my 20s) have a 'split the bills' arrangement. It's a recipe for bad atmosphere and conflict.