How to stop myself falling apart...

[MrsWhirling]

Apologies for the long thread & I am not sure what advice I am looking for, I think I need to vent. DH & I have been married for 7 yrs, we have DD5 & DS14wks. About 2 years into our marriage I came very close to divorcing him when I found that he had filmed himself having sex with his disabled sisters cater at his parents home when no-one was there. Our DD was 6 months old & we were living at my parents house because we couldn't move into the house we purchased as he had ruined it with unnecessary building work which he could repair and was insisting we wait for his father(a builder) to fix and refusing to hire or let me hire anyone else to do. It was a year before we could move on. During this time he rarely came home, contributed finically and smoked skunk & took cocaine. He has rarely worked instead choosing only to work when a particular friend who owns his own company offers him casual cash-in-hand work. I am a proffessional who earns a decent wage, I have worked full time to pay for everything while my DM looks after DD as DH refuses to be a SAHD. Anyway, time has ticked by & I accepted my lot as he became a better dad & a slightly better husband. 2 weeks ago during a routine scan my DM was told she had a tumour on her liver. She is currently waiting the results of a PET scan. I have taken this very badly and have gone to pieces. I struggle to manage DD who has become a real handful. This morning DH&I had a massive row due to him undermining me while I was telling her off. During this row he told me that I was weak & he could break me emotionally if he wanted to. I am not weak neither is he more emtionally or intellectually stronger than me but I was shocked to see that he appears to on some level be enjoying the fact for the first time in our relationship I am vulnerable. He knows how close I am to my parents. Frankly I am shocked that a man I haves effectively looked after all these years can be so cruel. How to I stay strong enough to get through whatever the future holds for my DM and then deal with him? Xxx

I'm sorry to hear about your mum :(

I get a few red flags from your post MrsWhirling & instead of trying to give you advice on how to stay strong, I have to ask, are you happy & do you want to continue in your marriage? I ask because because my exH was similar in a lot of ways & instead of confronting him I dealt with him as you are now, keeping track of everything that he's doing wrong but I didn't have the courage to leave. If he's not supporting you with your mother's diagnosis & seems to be enjoying it (!) then is he worth it. If you can't even get any emotional support from him then why bother. Unless of course you love him & want to stay together, & that is your decision alone.

Its easy for people to say well tell him he has to be a SAHD, tell him he has to work but I know its not that easy. Put your mum aside for a second & work out what you want to do with you & dd as they are separate issues. x

Thank you. You're completely right, they are two separate issues. I live with hope that the results of my mums tests are not sinister because if they are divorcing my DH will be devasting for her but also for my children who could potentially be facing the loss of their grandmother as well as their parents splitting up. I just can't believe someone who is supposed to love and care for you can be so cruel.