My boyfriend of 18 months logged on to the dating site where we met.

[goesaround]

I don't know what to think, and am asking for opinion and best way to handle things.

Background - I've been separated 30 months, my husband was a skilled adulterer cheating toad who left me for his OW after we'd been married for 33 years. I posted at the time but namechanged so I don't have to admit how pathetic I was back then. I'm in the process of divorcing him, already got the decree nisi, just finances to sort and then it's done.

18 months ago I met someone on a dating site. I joined originally more for curiosity about who was out there, only met up with a couple of men, one who I have been seeing ever since.

I am in love with this man, although it wasn't instant, and things have been good between us. We see each other 3 or 4 times a week, have been away on holiday a couple of times and have 2 more booked.

My problem is of my own making. I removed my photos and cancelled my membership from the dating site we met on once we decided we were a couple. Last night I wondered if my profile was still visible and decided to have a look. I registered with a made up email address as a male and found my profile still live, although obviously not used any more. I decided to look for my boyfriend's (curiosity) and found it. It seemed unchanged from 18 months ago BUT it said he had been online in the last 24 hours.

Could this be innocent? I can't think how to ask him about it, but can't ignore it as it has upset me. Is this my emotional baggage or should I trust him and not ask?

Ask him. Either he was doing the same as you and checking up on your profile, or he sees himself as back on the market. Ask him over the phone as apparently it's easier to judge whether someone's telling you the truth when you're not face to face.

Bit of a coincidence though. Over the phone, really? Is that because he'll choke when I ask him? I wish I'd never looked to be honest. Pandoras box? But you're right, I'll have to ask him. Bugger.

That's what I heard. Face to face apparently it's easy to get distracted by body-language whereas over the phone you've just got tone of voice to work with.

that it so happened to be within the last 24 hrs makes it look more suspicious than if it had been 6 months ago. It would be a big coincidence if you both had the same thought at the same time. Unless you had a conversation that might have inspired you both to look?

Is it OKC? there is more on there than dating.

He's finished with your relationship and looking for a replacement?
He's always been on the look out just in case something interesting comes along?
He doesn't see your relationship as exclusive?
He's a habitual cheat?
He checks out mate's profiles or those of people they're interested in at his mates request?
He's insecure about your relationship so is regularly checking to see if you're on there?
He finds it entertaining in some other, possibly innocent, way?

technical issue where he sometimes accidentally clicks on a bookmark on his phone for instance?

Does he have an app for the site on his phone, or get emails from them? When I was single I joined a couple of dating sites and until recently I still had their apps on my phone and I was probably constantly logged in. I also get a stupid amount of emails from them and if I click on any of those it takes me to the site. Could be completely innocent. Definitely ask him though.

All your suggestions are possibilities . I believe(d) we were totally together so was shocked, I know his best friend has recently split with his girlfriend and he registered on the same site so possibly my boyfriend might be prompted to look for him. He encouraged him as a good thing as in look what happened for us.

I'll ask him in conversation I think, as in have you looked on the site recently for any good matches for friend.

Thanks for your input everyone - feel a bit better having a plan

His friend might have asked him to read his profile and see if he thought it was ok. Or be sending him links to profiles he likes to ask his opinion.

You've done nothing wrong. There could be innocent explanations of his behaviour. No harm in asking him.

Don't forget...you'll have to explain to him what you were doing on it when you found him. He may use that against you to excuse his own behaviour.

I think I wouldn't say anything for now, but keep watch and see if he logs again.

He's probably logged in to check his mates profile out for him.

Don't say anything yet. Watch and wait to see if he logs in again. If he does, that will look more suspicious.