Do people really change?

[runforest]

Hi, Name changed for this one and in need of some advice please.

Been with dp nearly 3yrs, and been a struggle throughout to be honest, to start with he was texting another women secretly for about ( what I thought ) about a year. He knew my uncomfortable feelings about her sending him message saying he looked sexy etc . I also knew her and she wasn't particulary happy that we were together.
Problem is he works with her occasionally.

He promised me many times he wasnt in touch anymore and I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I saw the phone bill (bt) when I went to pay it and noticed he was calling her at work when I was out or at work .And since I've looked back at previous bills and they are all the same !
Again I confronted him, after lots of arguements etc saying he didn't phone ( when its there in black and white) he has promised everything will change.

There has never been anything between them ,I honestly do believe that, but she is dangerous and he is very stupid and she is so persistant.

Anyway after years of battling to really feel secure and finally no the truth he has now promised to be truthful about everything, he will tell me if she was to phone etc as I have told him I'm moving out as I really can't do this anymore.

In the last week he has seemed very nice and open and different, like he really doesnt want to lose me.

Problem is I was all set to leave, I gave notice on my flat and all my family and friends said I was doing the right thing, but when someone suddenly becomes the person you wanted them to be for so long why is it so difficult to then go!

I don't want to let my friends/family down, but when he's being so lovely I am struggling to let go.

Please help , what would you do?

Sorry this was long! :)

I'm sorry, but he was phoning her!!
It's not just her being persistent, the phone bill prooves that he was calling her as well.
If it's been a struggle for 3 years, I think you have made the right decision.
It is hard when they suddenly start to be nice and the person you want, but I doubt it will last.
You need to go with your gut instinct on this one. Don't worry about who you are letting down, other than yourself.
Do what is right for you.

he was calling her at work when I was out or at work

he is very stupid and she is so persistant

I have no doubt he's 'stupid' but how have you reached the conclusion that the ow is 'persistent' when he's been calling her?

What is your gut feeling saying? Do you deep down, really believe that nothing is going on?

I had a similar thing happen in that my ex kept up flirtations behind my back with several people, one in particular who was dangling herself in front of him, and he went after like a dog with its tongue hanging out. They're now together with significant overlap between the two relationships and my only regret is looking the other way when I knew something had felt amiss for so long.

You also say your family and friends said you were doing the right thing by leaving, it's not necessarily thinking you're letting them down, but it sounds to me they have your interests at heart rather than this one.

He promised me many times he wasnt in touch anymore and I gave him the benefit of the doubt

And now you're on the brink of doing it again because he's being 'very nice'.

When he made promises before was he being 'very nasty'?

The writing's on the wall. If it's not this ow, it'll be another.

3 years of a relationship that's 'been a struggle throughout'? Where's the fun, romance, and joy in that? You should have left him years ago, honey.

Be careful about believing/seeing what you want to believe/see.
I'd say go ahead with moving out and if he continues to be the person you want to be with, he will still be there being that person when you are sure you want to be with him. iyswim
fwiw, the person you want to be with will be there for you and not texting/calling other women

after years of battling to really feel secure

It is normal to feel secure in a relationship. If you have to battle then there is a good argument that this is not the right relationship for you. He is the persistent one, not her.