What do I do now?

[nowit]

H and I have been having problems for a while.
His MIL has MH issues and tried to kill herself last year, it tore us all apart and H and I decided to try Relate. We have been working on 'us' for a while now but not really getting anywhere.

We got together when I was 19 and he was 28 - I have posted about this before but I have grown and changed a lot and he hasn't. He wants the quiet naive me back not the confident empowered person I have become.

We have three beautiful DC. Anyway, to the point. On Sunday morning we woke up and had a (now) normal bicker about nothing much really. We were laying in bed and he just lost it and punched me repeatedly on my arm and my boob. He was immediately apologetic and horrified at himself.

He has never ever done anything like this before, he is the 'gentle giant' type.
I have lurked on her for a long long time and I have read many threads and I knew that this was it. I told him to leave there and then. DC were downstairs. H was sobbing and holding his head in disbelief at what he had done, he just kept saying sorry.

He packed his bag and left. I called my mum who came and watched the kids while I fell apart. Physically, I am fine.

H went and drove around and slept in his car. He is really apologetic.

I will not be allowing him back any time soon, if at all. He needs some help. He has a doctors appt.

What do I need to do right now on a practical level?
How do protect myself financially? do I tell school? it all feel a little surreal right now and I don't want to turn it into a drama.

Any advice?

Hi Nowit - didn't want to read and run. How absolutely horrible for you. No wonder you are in a state of shock. I think well done for getting him away from you. That, I am sure, is the right thing to do. So you've done great so far. And you've got your mum's support. Another tick. Can you ring Women's Aid for advice... there'll be loads more on your thread in a couple of minutes, I have no doubt.

Hold on. You will be ok.

Poppy

Use every bit of support network you have to look after yourself and keep 'normal life' going for yourself and your children. Take each day as it comes and don't worry yet about making any long-term decisions.
Mention to school that things are unsettled at home so they can be sympathetic to unsettled behaviour - my dd's school has been brilliant as her continuity while her dad and I have found our feet after separation.
When you are ready, speak to your dh (with a third party present perhaps) to discuss future finances and see a solicitor for advice before agreeing to anything.
Good luck

Oh, how horrible for you

He's crossed that line now, hasn't he ?

As well as the good advice above, I suggest you report this assault on you at the very least to your GP. If things get more difficult down the line, you may need that evidence.

So sorry x

So you got together when you were little more than a child and he was a man of nearly 30.

He wants the quiet naive you back. He punched you repeatedly.

Its horrific. I'd go to the police and have him charged. If you do nothing and eventually let him back, you will always have at the back of your mind that he might flip again if you aren't the sort of quiet, naive woman that suits him. At least if you go to the police you will have it on record for the next time, if there is one. Protect yourself.

Thanks all for the practical advice.
It's all a bit daunting right now.

You'll get through it - when it all gets too much, have a and hug your children

Hi nowit
How awful for you.

If this has happened once, it is likely to happen again. Even if it never does it will always be in your mind that it might.

Look after yourself and your children. Good luck x

"What do I need to do right now on a practical level?"

First of all, well done having the guts to kick the nasty bugger out. So many never even get to that stage.

Practical stuff is going to revolve around money to a large extent. Accommodation, bills, etc. Do you have your own account and source of income? If not, I expect you can capitalise on your STBXH's remorse and get him to agree to keep paying the bills until you have chance to work out something more permanent. As to access to the children, the fact that he's become violent means that you don't rush anything there. Think it through very carefully how you want it to happen so that you are safe - certainly not in your home, for example.

Definitely see a solicitor or CAB sooner rather than later. Good luck