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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

money

6 replies

soopermum1 · 05/05/2006 13:14

do any of you get this? it really pisses me off.

DH loves spending money. whenever he wants something (thinking in the last year a camera, flat screen monitor, sat nav, remote control car etc) he usually gets it, eventually. he always tells me what he is planning and we always argue, but after several weeks or months of arguing i end up caving in or he just gets what he wants. to be fair, for these 'luxuries' he pays for them out of his money but i still think they're extravegancies we don't need.

last year, i got a large bonus from our work that paid for the moving costs etc for the new house we've moved into and things for the house that we both wanted and chose. i didn't buy any treats for myself, my money goes on the family or the house, i have no hobbies as i don't have time working full time and looking after our son. i earn twice what he does but am careful not to throw this in his face.

i feel resentful that he still hankers after and gets treats that we don't need, and i feel extremely resentful that he always gets what he wants, he doesn't know the meaning of the word 'restraint' he has never said to himself 'no, i just can't afford/ justify it, so i'll forget about it.' he just whines and nags and moans and keeps reading the argos catalogue til he gets what he wants.

as i said, i'm fairly thrifty and he pays for this stuff himself and otherwise is faily thrifty so we're not in debt and it's not a big issue, but it just keeps happening again and again and it's become a point of principle for me now.

he now wants a gas bbq at £70, i say 'what's wrong with the old charcoal one?' but it' just not good enough for him.

he has said that he's glad i'm more thrifty than him as it keeps us in line, but it pisses me off that we always have to argue about these things in order to keep the finances in order, otherwise i'm sure he'd be a helluva lot worse.

any advice?

OP posts:
coppertop · 05/05/2006 13:29

What about deciding on a set amount for each of you to have for personal spending and paying it into separate accounts. That way he doesn't have to ask permission for each item but equally won't be spending large amounts on things for himself while you have nothing.

rantingredhead · 05/05/2006 13:32

No advice, sorry Soopermum,

Just wanted to let you know that I have similar experiences with my dp, so I can understand what your going through.

Dp always wanting gadgets, where I am more interested in saving, getting stuff for the house etc.
Our first baby is due in september and I have been putting money away since january, dp has yet to start.

I wouldn't really mind him buying the odd gadget, so as long as its not too expensive, but he still has debts to finish paying.

I always feel like its up to me to be the responsible one and make sure we have enough money for bills.

What is it with men and gadgets? Angry

Piggiesmum · 05/05/2006 13:53

No advice here either, just lots of sympathy.
I could've written that post myself.
My dh isn't quite as bad as he used to be partly because we eventually ended up with a level of debt that scared the crap out of him.

Yesterday i was talking about getting a new lawn mower (i do all the gardening) and he said "I can get my new CD player"!!!It was said jokingly but sometimes it wears just a bit thin.

He would also like a new plasma/widescreen telly, and has been told the other old but perfectly adequate telly must breakdown first. Fortunately after seeing BIL's at the weekend he was really unimpressed with the picture and has gone off the idea. Cheers BIL's :o

grumpyfrumpy · 05/05/2006 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cat64 · 05/05/2006 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 05/05/2006 14:02

How about a new rule - you can't buy any new toys till you sell some old ones off or give them away. Make it a quid pro quo thing - one new toy for one old.

I do this w/clutter and it works a treat.

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