starting all over again

[lauramummyof2]

Me and my partner have known each other since we were about 12 years old, we have been on and off since but when we turnt 16 I found out that I needed medication that meant it could stop me from having children, upset by this I went back to his and disccused it and we both decided we wanted a child, a year later my youngest was born. After 3 and half months I became really insecure baring In mind I had lost both of my grandads within 6 weeks of each other before and after giving birth so it was an emotional roller coaster for me. We then had a row one night which lead to him taking my phone by pinning me to the seat in the car so I bit his arm in which he caught my face and drove off to phone the police, which then lead to me being arrested and me stopping him from seeing our child (looking back now I feel childish but I was only a child myself) he then took me through medation and finally had contact.

It came to our daughters first birthday and we started to get on really well and decided to give it another go at being a family he moved into my flat, we were all happy and everything was perfect 3 months later I fell pregnant again becoming a little insecure but not as bad as when I had my first we argued and made up pretty fast because i explained its just all my hormones ill be fine once I have given birth, our son arrived everything was perfect moved into our 3 bed house ready for baby, my partner helped out lots.

My partner plays rugby every Saturday and works during the week leaving me exhausted from having the kiddies and the past week we have done nothing but argue tonight it feels like its starting all over again I asked him if he could change the way he plays meaning every other weekend so he can spend time with the kids for a whole weekend which of course caused a massive row and a result of him stopping me from leaving the house in the case I phoned my mum and he was stood at the bottom step so I nudged him off so I could leave he then shoved me which caused me to fall across the floor at this point I was in tears. I have been for a walk and calmeddown come home and hes ignored me,

What do I do? I have tried everything to get him to share responsibilities but he isnt intrested. Hes never been this way before but we both love each other and the insecurity has stopped from my side he has never been bothered by anything I do. I just dont want my family to fall apart all over again!

ADVISE PLEASE!

I'm bumping this for you Laura as I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you but I'm hoping someone will be along to help soon.

Are you both often physically aggressive with each other or are these occasions out of character? One isolated incident of physical violence is one too many, however I'm afraid.

Working back from the timings in your story, are you both still under 20 now? You've got two problems therefore. Some 16-20 yo boys are quite mature, but they are very few and far between. Most are still irresponsible kids, wanting to do kid stuff, and aren't ready for a wife and two kids... love has nothing to do with it. Your second, and far more serious problem, is that he's aggressive. Domestic abuse, violence, pushing, shoving, pinning you down etc.... is utterly unacceptable. Again, not the action of a loving person.

So get him to leave. There is no place for violence in a relationship.

How is he domestically in the evenings and during the rest of the weekend?

Do you go out pursuing your interests weekly?

How often do you go out as a couple?

Thanks for the concern. We have never been this way towards eachother. hes never been this way towards me other than once when we was younger and I told him I was never letting him see our daughter again thats what caused him to take my phone. All we do is argue or are sarcastic to each other and we both wind eachother up and last night I think we both took it too far but the advice I need is the ways I can get him to do more around the house and spend more time with the kids. He tells me he shouldn't have to do the housework because he works and that playing rugby is 'his' time and I explained to him that its kot fair that he gets a break from the kids when I have the full time which obviously I love that but every mum needs their time to be themselves not just a mum. it annoys me because most single parents are usually in my situation but he is still around and lives with us! Oh and we are 21 now

We dont often go anywhere as a couple or a family which upsets me because its either me and the kids or him and our eldest. I get out a bit but not as much as I used to due to my depression and me having low self esteem

If all you do is argue, snipe and make nasty comments to each other, if he's lazy, irresponsible, you're suffering from depression & low self-esteem and you're both generally miserable in each other's company ... not counting the pushing and shoving business which is appalling ... I'm sorry but you simply don't have a very good relationship.

Love is a verb rather than just a feeling. Neither of you are actively 'doing' love... working as a team, functioning better as a couple than as two individuals, treating each other with affection and kindness, giving each other confidence and support .... and he's aggressive into the bargain. You can do better.