Dating direct...Starring.....My Husband

[Jemma60608]

i work for a UK wide company and was at our annual conference last week - usual awards do , tables of ten, people you work with but have never met etc etc - So by fate as i'm pissed and proudly showing off my pics of husband and kids one of the girls i'm sat with has recognised my husband as a handsome player on dating direct no less...so we go and look and sure enough there he is - listed as 'separated' with kids (news to me) He has posted his picture, a biog etc etc but has put a postcode which is my co's head office and about 150 miles from where we live (where he's soon to not live) and is looking for / to meet 'friends outside mine and my ex wifes ' who won't prejudge me". This woman who's spotted him works at hq and is single and looking...hence.....

This is over so what are my first action steps - lawyers, change locks - rub veet on his miniscule testicles ? - To say i had no idea would be an understatement - he went funny about his passwords on his pc about two years ago - said it was work and the family could no longer use it - before we could....And he also got a prepaid credit card which was 'also for work' but with which you never get a paper bill - I suppose i suspected something then but did nothing about it .

i suspect some reality checks are heading my way but the way i feel - do yer worst...

well if you decide that your marriage is over and I would say that it is..... then obviously you need legal advice asap, so get yourself to a solicitor. Legally you will be told that you cant change the locks if your H is on the mortgage/deeds to the house.

It sounds as if he has been leading a double life for a couple of years. What has happened in the past week, have you said anything to him about this?

I am very sorry for you. How horrid. The cheating, the finding out through work. Now you know.

Please do seek RL professional advice ASAP.

So sorry you've had such a huge shock. Kudos to that woman for alerting you.
In your shoes? Solicitor for advice before confronting him. Then kick him out.
Easier said than done, I know still wrestling with this myself, but do whatever is right for you and your children in the long term.

Bloody hell. Am so sorry.

Prize prick

Don't tell him you know yet. Knowledge is power. Make your plans then hit him with them.

Lawyer first, I'd say. Make sure you print / save a copy of his profile before you confront him as he'll try to delete it.

If he were mine I'd dispense with the veet and go straight for nailing them to a very tall building.

A friendship that overstepped the boundaries is one thing. Planned, calculated infidelity is another. But to lie about his status so some poor unsuspecting single woman might have ended up tangled up with him + your marriage?

Truly despicable.

God, what a stupid bastard. The least he could've done would be to hide his photo and only show it once he'd seen the women who were interested. The fact he's blatantly got his photo up will mean he's been out with women. Even the daftest looking bloke online is approached by a lot of women.

Take screenshots. I'd be tempted to ask your new friend to chat him up, but I can see you might not want to do that if she's a colleagues. Go to a solicitor's and if you have savings, put your share in a separate account now.

I'm so sorry.

It might be worth looking at other sites, OP, such as Guardian Soulmates and Match.com - if he's on one, he may well be on others. Oh and POF.

It might be worth getting a screen shot of his profile on the dating direct site - you can do this by opening your web browser, going to his profile and then hitting PrtScrn on your keyboard.

This copies an image of the what is currently displayed on the screen and if you then open a graphics or photo program, create a new image and then paste into the image you should get what you were looking at on the screen.

Save it as a jpg or gif or whatever image format you like. Make sure you can see his image and the words of the profile.

Might be worth looking around numerous other dating sites also.

Sorry to hear about this.

What a prick.
Do you think he was ever planning on leaving you? Or just having his cake too?

So sorry, what an utter arsehole

what a shock that must have been.

Get tested for STDs. See a solicitor.

Also put together paperwork re finances, house, mortgage etc and put in a safe place. This link provides some useful info:

surviveseparation.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/separation-and-divorce-advice-and-links.html

If you go to Google images and click the camera icon in the search bar, you can upload the image from Dating Direct if you have downloaded it to your computer. It will then throw up same/similar images. Of course it will included random images, but if he's used the same image on other dating sites, they should appear.

Totally agree with keeping your cards close to your chest until you are completely prepared and then hit him with a fait accompli.

Same as above, get screenshots from any profile, get your marriage certificate, dc's passports and birth certificates (and yours) and gt them ut of the house and somewhere safe, photocopy wage slips to do u have full info in case yu need it. I changed the locks even tho ex H was still on mortgage/deeds as he threatened me - just let my solicitor know about threats etc and about changing locks. Good luck, know your pain and you will get through it x

Sorry what an idiot

Definately print it for evidence if needed

Personally I'd try to find a way of seeing when he joined it? And make sure it was him rather than a stupid prank, unlikely I know, but that may be his argument.

If you see when he joined maybe see if he paid to join? Any history in your computer of visits to that site etc?

I'd probably plan to meet him and turn up, but I'd be being vindictive. Its just then you know he would have met "you".

I'm very sorry that he's such an idiot. They say about 10% of men on dating sites are married :(

So sorry you have found out that you're married to an utter bastard :(

What a god damn idiot he is but I can't say it shocks me - when they think with their dicks their actual brain malfunctions
(NOT generalising, only speaking about cheaters/attempted cheats before I'm flamed)

YY to the rest of the advice you've already been given, all of it - get yourself together OP and hit this fucker where it hurts.
Good luck x

BTW- please don't blame yourself or feel any kind of guilt that you should have spotted this sooner - the explanations he gave sounded plausible enough and if you'd nothing else to go on at that time then why should you put 2+2 together.
You know now, that's what's important.

I am so sorry. What a horrible shock.

I have recently come across a pic of a family friend (married with 3 kids) on a dating website and quite gutted at the person and for his poor wife. I found it when a single mate was showing me some profiles she was hoping to date.

So sorry, that must have been horrendous. I second the advice to get RL professional advice and gather all the info you need before you confront. Stay strong OP and take care. Lots of help on this board if and when you need further advice.