How do I detach from my ex?

[keepyourroomtidy]

I have lurked on this board for years and never posted but could do with some advice. In a nutshell my XHTML cheated, and after a second chance left me and moved straight in with ow. That was last spring but I still find myself getting upset and telling him my sadness/anger/jealousy (ie. ow playing families with my kids/his new relationship/my loneliness). Whenever I vent to him I feel even worse but seem compelled to do it every so often :(. How do I move on?

have you had any counselling? It is hard to move on, especially when their life seems rosy and yours isn't, but you need to get yourself into a good place where it no longer bothers you.

It isn't easy and is something that I am still working through myself, but counselling is helping a lot

Sorry, what's XHTML?

smetana - I was trying to work that out too, Im presuming its an iphone autocorrect, but would like to know what it means if it isn't

Yup - typo! Am considering going back to counsellor. Just tired of thinking about the past and what my ex is up to - it is rubbish!

Lurking... different situation but can't let go.

I know in my head what I need to do but my heart disagrees.

I have found that being happy is the only way. You can do all the counselling exercises and write as many goodbye fare well fuck off letters as you can the only way to move on (and I struggle a lot with this) is to be happy and busy and fulfilled.

Also struggling

I'm working on hating him, but every now and then my heart slips

Very angry today, as he never even bothered with a card from Dd. That hurt like hell. But come fathers day, I shall be the bigger person. His excuse was he was skint Hmmmm....smoking a fag are we???

Ooh...sorry about that

I don't think about what XH is up to now, but I do think about what happened and why he left and why it was so sudden and why he had excessive contact with OW and so on and so on, But like my counsellor said to me, all it does is exhaust me. She said that if you carry on thinking why etc, you just drive yourself crazy.

You need to find a way of thinking about something else, so that every time you start to think about XH, you switch to something else. keep yourself busy, give yourself something to look forward to, a night out, a holiday, whatever it is you like to do.

At the moment I am fighting with myself as i have letters composed to send to XMIL, OW's H and my XH. I want to send them but know that I shouldn't...

Being stuck in the past with an ex means you havent actually grieved over the loss of what you wanted things to be like.

The key here is you can't make someone be what you want, you can however cry about the fact they weren't.

McPheet he was awful to do that and I totally understand when you said your heart slips now and then - that is me too.

Brandy you are right I am sure - need to get busy and focus on what makes me happy not someone who broke my heart.

Thanks ladies - you have wise words :0)