MIL thinks DH should come first always!

[CareerGirl01]

Am starting to wonder whether or not AIBU.
She stayed last week to'look' after me after I had a bleed. I am now 31 weeks pg nearly 32 weeks.
She did entertain DD1 ( who is 4 and at nursery most of day anyway) but did annoy me by telling me I was misguided in prioritising DD1 in the morning. She got up at 8am then used bathroom at a time when I needed to get DD ready for school. I said to her - after DM had taken DD to the school nursery - that my DD was priority above anyone else in using the bathroom (DH goes to work just before 8) - basically I was trying to tell her she was being a bit selfish. But the following evening before she left she told me that DH should always be first and that DD should not 'rule the roost'. On the phone to her husband FIL she said (in front of DD) 'I'm not bring dictated to by a four year old' which actually made me cry. Do I bother letting her l

Sorry iPhone... get to me - or just leave it be. My concern is this mag become more of an issue when DD1 gets older and when DD2 arrives. What are other's expwriences?

This just sounds like a misunderstanding. The schedule for using the bathroom in your house is organised so that your DH can get to work on time and your DD gets to nursery on time. It is nothing to do with who comes first in your family. Is there any other way that DD1 comes first?

I'm a little confused. She was cross because you were annoyed that she used the bathroom at an inconvenient time so why is she saying that dh should take priority? He wasn't even there. Or have I misunderstood the situation?

I think that was a mean thing for her to say about not being dictated to by a 4 year old. It sounds like both of you have got a bit worked up about what should have been a very minor incident. Can you put it behind you and move on? Or is this part of a pattern of behaviour?

Hi - been putting DD to bed. Didn't really put things into context. MIL has long said to me that I should put DH first -the comment she made about bathroom was part of a general talking to she gave me about putting DH first. I can only think this is becauseshe gave up work to have children and is now FIL's main carer. For most odour relationship I have been the main breadwinner and when I was I was always being told I didn't praise DH enough.

I totally understand where you're coming from- I find with my mil it's hard to show how cruel/bitchy some of her comments are when you tell someone/dh/write them down, but as I believe Maya Angelo(sp?) said 'long after you remember what someone said, you remember how they made you feel'.

I think it's worth saying to your DH something like 'I appreciate MIL is here to help but tbh it's not really helping. It'd be easier if we just muddle through together as she's making me feel anxious which is the last thing I need.'

Well, she would because she's his mother and that's what she did.
However, it's your home.
What did your OH have to say about priorities?
He should be the one dealing with those comments.

I'm not sure about the bathroom routine, you need to sort out a system that works for your family an, but if she means you shouldn't made DD the most important person in the family, then she's right IMO.

I agree with activ everyone is equally important. So both you and mil abu