Feel like I'm parenting my boys on my own

[Whirliwig72]

Gah I'm a bit pissed of so if this comes across as ranty please forgive me. My DH is a workaholic - basically if he's not at work in his office he's in his office at home - he has a full time job and his own company. He's been like this for years, before we had children even so I guess I should have expected family life to be like this but today - Mother's Day- I just feel - forgotten and taken advantage of.

Today I got up at 7 with the boys, made them breakfast, took them to gymnastics then did the food shop and put it away. Meanwhile DH has got up after a lie in till 9am had a shower and made himself breakfast. This is normal for a weekend. No mention of happy Mother's Day just some cross words because I bought him the wrong bloody coffee. He knows he spends too little time with me and the boys but can't seem to actually get his arse in gear to devote more than a hour or do a week to us. His working so hard stems from worry about making enough money - we never have much of a safety net and we had serious debt problems when Ds1 arrived so I can see what is motivating him but at the same time I do feel a bit of it is he doesn't really want to be a hands-on dad. At gymnastics today the room was full of mums and dads with their children and even dads on their own.... And there's me, the sad cow on her own again

Have you ever said to him "Right, its mothers day tomorrow so I am having a lie in. The boys need to be at gymnastics at X time, and the shopping list is on the fridge"?

Dont ask, tell.

Hi Whirliwig,
Happy Mother's Day!

You have my sympathy. Does he even know it is Mother's Day?
(I'm in the US, our Mother's Day is in May.)

My dh is a workaholic too. I am a sahm and when ever I say anything I get the "I'm just trying to put food on the table" line. It feels like: shut me the _ up. We are not skint by the way.

A little story for you-not quite the entertainment you were hoping for today, I know.
Dh would go to school functions when our two oldest were in elementary school, but stopped being bothered with "the drill" (band concerts and swim meets) after that. So for 7 or 8 years I went to all the school functions on my own. He did go to their graduations, like what does it take for him to show up!

We had a surprise pg 5 yrs ago and he took our little one to the swimming pool on three consecutive Sundays last year. He said he felt like he was a divorced dad on an outing. Ooooooh I said what about the hundred school functions I had been to by myself! So he got a little of the shut the _ up back.

It is hard. On the bright side, it looks like you are off the hook for Father's Day.

Andtheband - thank you so much that cheered me up! Bogey -thank you! Good idea to be more direct will try for everyday stuff any good comebacks for when he says he has to work? No good asking for the special treatment today as he does not 'believe' in Mother's Day!

His response was rude. Let him do his own tea today. I mean really! He doesn't believe in you raising his children, rude beast.
Then treat yourself! At the very least order take out and gift yourself a good long book or favorite DVD from Amazon.

When he has to work? Well he has to do what he has to do. I don't think there is much to say. Certainly not anything that will change the workaholic in him. Try to make your peace with it and entertain yourself with a hobby, I am a quilter.

I'm a single parent on a fairly low income. I work 5 days a week outside the home, and on Saturdays I shop, clean, do laundry, ironing, bake /cook. On Sunday I spend the day doing activities with DC, swimming, park, bike rides etc.

Tell your H working hard to earn money outside the home does not mean you can absent yourself from domestic and family life at weekends. Oh, and to grow up.

So if he doesn't believe in Mother's Day, that's good news for Father's Day in June isn't it?
I hate to use the words, but you're enabling his behaviour...you got up at 7 and gave the boys breakfast-I find the answer to that is a swift poke and "your turn", followed by "they've to be at gymnastics at 9, don't forget the shopping"

For as long as you allow this behaviour to continue, it will

If he doesn't believe in Mother's Day, I would tell him he believes in taking it in turns for the Sunday lie in. Why settle for one Sunday when you could have 26?

Thanks everyone! I've bought myself a lovely jasmine hoop and filled out the gift message to myself (ha!). Going to watch a nice Sunday movie now with the boys and eat popcorn - sod him!