Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Strange comments

9 replies

EggyCorgan · 05/05/2006 10:29

I posted a while ago about my dp's strange ways but I wondered if anyone can give me some insight into this...

Basically I have a 7 year old son and my DP (not his father) has decided that whenever my son tries to climb on him or anything like that he is "rubbing himself" on him and he then shouts "will you stop rubbing yourself on me" and pushes him away.

I talked to him last night about it, asked him to stop saying it as it sounded disgusting so he replied "what should I say then?" so I told him that my son isnt 'rubbing himself' on him, 7 year old kids do not masturbate on peoples legs Angry so he said he knew the difference between a kid playing and a kid 'rubbing themselves' and he didnt like it.

I was getting more and more angry and told him to stop seeing sexual behaviour in my son and he reckons Im just being blind to it and his comments are not out of line.

Can anyone shed some light? I still think he's wrong and as I said, how come he doesnt 'rub himself' on anyone else? why is it only him that see's it?

OP posts:
Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 05/05/2006 10:37

dump him- sorry but this would put me right off him, and not good for your son to hear at all.

Spagblog · 05/05/2006 10:38

Tough one.
I think that he is totally out of line, but I am not sure what you can do, apart from kicking him out.
He has to stop "sexualising" your DS's actions. It will lead to all sorts of troubles and worries me about his mental state of mind.
Would he talk to a family councillor?

Marina · 05/05/2006 10:38

EggyCorgan, sorry, but I agree with Jimjams.
This man sounds like he has some issues of his own to work through, and your son should not be hearing this :(

spangles · 05/05/2006 10:39

I wouldnt like comments like that either, and would be worried that your soon would become nervous, worried etc of physical contact with other people. He is only 7 and your DH needs to know that him making these comments is upsetting you. Also he should respect your wishes in the upbringing of your son. Sorry if thats not much help.. just wanted to let you know that I would feel exactly the same in your position.

puddle · 05/05/2006 10:41

Marina has summed it up perfectly I think.

suzywong · 05/05/2006 10:44

umm, sorry it but I agree with the others. I think it is dodgy in the extreme that your DP is sexualising your son's behaviour.

Is this the same DP that makes snidey comments about you and implies you aren't intelligent?

Surely you can do better

Sorry

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/05/2006 10:46

EC

Was wondering what you thought of the comments made on the other thread you originally posted on re this matter.

All that you have written re this man is deeply concerning. Your son and yourself should not have to deal with his problems. If he cannot or will not address the issues head on with a counsellor (will he be willing to speak to someone?) then you will have to reconsider your future with such a person. If you were to marry him I feel this would be the worst mistake you have ever made.

You may well love this man but he needs to deal with his past without you and your son being in his life. You have to put your son first and foremost now and you need to consider his own interests. Frankly put, a stepfather who is messed up himself is the last thing he needs.

ruty · 05/05/2006 13:57

agree with jimjams et al. This kind of behaviour from your DP could leave your son with lasting damage/hurt. I wouldn't tolerate it.

tigermoth · 07/05/2006 08:02

Does your dp happily hug or cuddle your son in other circumstances or does he shun most physical contact and sexualise it?

Not knowing more, it's difficult IMO to put this comment in context. Is your dp used to children?Is it a response just to your son's climbing on him that he has automatically picked up from his own parents, without thinking?

I would not want to give my son a new father figure who hated physical contact with him, was prone to sexualise everything and also totally dismissed my own viewpoint on my own son.

If you feel, though, that this is a specific comment to the climbing and more due to ignorance, then could you suggest you both go to parenting classes or watch some parenting programmes on TV together or something, to show him what's acceptable and what isn't?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page