Is this normal? What can I do?

[whyno]

I know it's normal for women to have difficult relationships with their mothers but mine seems excessively bad and I don't know why.

I don't see her often and have often complained to her about not visiting me but the two times she has made an effort to come up (both since DD born 3 years ago) I feel awful feelings of almost hatred and utter distress. Have to work very hard to hide it and not cry all the time. I'm the same when I visit her.

Is this normal? How can I stop feeling like this? Will never improve the relationship if I can't stop the feelings and feel guilty she must pick up on it.

Do other people have similar experiences? Really struggling to pull myself together this time.

Thanks for reading.

Look on the stately home threads in relationships.
Lots of people the same as you and very sympathetic.
My mum is going to my sisters for lunch so I won't see her.
I am the black sheep.
Basaaaaaaaa

I don't think your reaction is normal, sorry. Hatred and distress, wanting to cry all the time etc sounds to me like there is some massive 'thing' that is being ignored, suppressed.... something that happened that you don't talk about. Lots of mother/daughter relationships can be prickly but your reaction sounds one of intense frustration to me. What is it you want to say to her but aren't saying?

You know, just because someone gave birth to you doesn't mean there's some kind of natural law that you have to get on. You might feel obligation towards them but you can't force love. If it doesn't happen naturally there probably is something wrong, but it may not be you that there's something wrong with, if that makes sense. Some people just aren't very nice, or aren't your kind of person, or are splendid people in many ways but not good at being a parent. This is not your fault.