Difficult relationship with Facebook

[BettyBlueBlue]

I find my relationship with Facebook really dysfunctional. Well, many might say, it's not Facebook, it's the people in it. But to be honest, except for a couple of people, most of the people I befriended on Facebook are either real friends, good friends or people that I quite like.

However, on Facebook, I find everybody just too much. I don't post much, neither do I upload lots of photos on it, as I just don't feel comfortable with the way the site operates. I hate the attention seeking, the competitiveness it encourages in terms of how many people like your posts or your photos. I find people/friends really narcissistic, vane and hypocritical on it. I've seen it all so far.

I know I shouldn't take it so seriously but I feel it's really affected the way I perceive people and I interact with people. I find the relationships there really dysfunctional. For example, a good friend who is all sweet and nice to someone that she used to criticise a lot. Another example, friends rarely wish me happy birthday on it, whereas they do to people they hardly know. People generally don't reply to my comments. People expect you to find out about their lives via Facebook rather than other channels like e-mails, or phone.

Before Facebook, my friendships seemed to less complicated and more straight forward. Now I see so many sides of people, which I wasn't aware of before. It's all a bit schizophrenic, if you ask me.

Anybody has felt or feels that way about it? Shall I delete my account for ever?

ive actually been on this site too since i was pg with dd, who is almost 6.
and i'm actually getting quite fed up with it here, as its just getting more and more commercial.

i think i'll be finding somewhere new soon, my lifespan here is def numbered

All this fuss about facebook that I hear about ... it has totally passed me by. I have an account and 50ish friends. Occasionally I think "oooh, you're a bit of a knob posting that" but then I forget all about it.

I just find it unfathomable that people get addicted to fb .

What the hell is there to talk about all day?

Mumsnet (and other chat forums) are surely more addictive?

Good for you Alice.

her "wonderful husband" is probably no Jamie Oliver :) :)

IMO its all about what used to be called "putting on a front" for the neighbours. Whilst the reality is somewhat different.

And from what I recall it usually snows at some point at this time of year. No shit indeed :)

Woman, the "I love my family" posts really get on my nerves too. It's something that should be so obvious, so natural, why having to broadcast it as if it were the latest news?

Whiteandyellow, you're very wise to keep away from it.

You all need to move into the 21st century!

I'm a total old fogey but the way to make Facebook useful is to change the notifications on your friends' profiles so that either you receive no notifications at all, or only the 'important' ones. Block all the game apps.

Then what you're left with is a handy way of keeping in touch with your friends/relatives that you don't see very often, plus groups for any clubs/teams that you're involved with.

Your ancestors probably didn't 'see the need' for telephones/televisions etc, either.

Sensible use of FB (ie check your newsfeed once or twice per day and don't play stupid games) is a brilliant way of keeping up to date with your interests.

I hate facebook with a passion. Its a waste of time. Who is actually interested to know that "such a body" is eating icecream whilst watching corrie. Who also is interested in seeing pictures of other people's dinner!!

I wish it would be banned so people can communicate with their friends in a more "sociable way".

Errr - like spending hours on mumsnet, maybe?

"It's all a bit schizophrenic" Nice.

I felt that same as you OP and deleted my account. I got a flurry of messages from friends asking if I was ok as I had deleted Facebook but I feel better for it. I don't feel I'm missing out. I found I was getting irrationally irritated by comments and status updates. The final straw was a good friend posting a vile picture of animal abuse and to 'like' if I thought it was awful.

Delete and don't look back :)

I think it depends on how you chose to use FB and how your friends use it. Like you, most of my FB friends are actual friends or family members, with a few acquaintances/ old school friends. A lot of university friends don't live near me, so it's a good way of keeping in touch and seeing their 'day-to-day' life, like what book they're reading or what TV show they're watching.

I can't stand people who post attention-seeking stuff (like posting 'I feel terrible' and wait for someone to ask why - I'm looking at you, SILs!), but that's the 'hide' button is for! It also allows me to feel a little bit superior :)

Most of my updates are light-hearted stuff, or links to something interesting/geeky I've found online (lots of geeky friends). I don't think of this as pretending my life is better than it is, just keeping a certain level of privacy!

I've never felt any kind of competitiveness about how many liked/ comments you get on a post - if I saw a friend's post with a lot of comments, I'd just think that must be an interesting/ funny discussion and have a look at it.

Like fortyplus, I've blocked updates from game apps, and just check my newsfeed once or twice a day.

If you don't want to be on FB, it's not compulsory! But it seems as though you're taking it all quite seriously instead of just treating it as a fun method of keeping in touch.

Forgot to add - I'd definitely hide/block people who post those 'like/share to win something/raise awareness of an issue' updates, or someone who'd post something like VenusStarr mentions above, but thankfully most of my friends don't do that kind of thing! I'd really judge them if they did...

I don't really understand your schizophrenic comment?

I deactivated my account years ago. For all of the reasons you mentioned and more.

I was never addicted to it as some people seem to be, but my mind feels so much more at peace without it. People seem to behave in ways they would never behave in "real life". Somehow, because they are behind a screen it's like they can say and do anything. which I know they can anyway, but actually they wouldn't say and do these things if they weren't hiding behind Facebook

I also hate the constant "updating". "I'm just sitting down to eat [enter food here], mmm yummy" Yeah, thanks for that. My life is so much better for knowing that. How about instead of posting about it, you just eat it?

And other such stupid statuses, that are pointless and/or fake.

I don't miss it.

Thank you very much for all your responses. I've really enjoyed reading them.

I understand that not everybody has had the same experience with FB and that some people can actually really like it.

I've just realsed over the years that it's not for me. Maybe FB brought into the light a lot failings in friendships that I didn't see before, or maybe I just havent' got the time for it, and my life is not what it used to be when I was in my twenties.

I deleted my account this week, and I've found it quite liberating. I'll only tell a few people who I really care about, and if the others do not bother to ask or contact me, well, maybe they were not such good friends after all.

Life without FB doesn't seem to be such a bad idea after all

I think maybe the op meant two-faced as opposed to schizophrenic (am I right op?). I see this too. People appear to be best mates with people they don't stop to talk to in RL for example.

odd, as schizophrenia is a serious mental disorder with pretty much no relation to being two faced.

I used the word "schizophrenic" as a comparison only, just to emphasize the fragmentation of behaviors, reactions, comments that do not coincide in many cases with what goes on in RL. In one word, "the coexistence of disparate or antagonistic elements" in FB relations.

It's adjective commonly used to describe contradictory attitudes, emotions etc.

I wasn't referring to the mental illness as such.

Have never had a facebook account, and for all the crap I hear about it I'm glad!

I do get non-plussed expressions from some people when I say I don't want to be on Facebook. But I may just be an anti-social old goat. I hate this need to "Share" everything nowadays. Even my new PC has a Share icon. I don't need to be told or prompted when to let everyone know I've just had a piece of cake (lolz)

Your true friends will keep in contact with you in other ways :)

Go on, delete your account!

(and once you've deleted, don't then move to Twatter )

I was convinced to join FB a few years ago by my niece who lives abroad and wanted to share photos with lots of family at once. It's good for that sort of thing (all my family are abroad). All of my 'friends' on FB are ex work colleagues (I never add people from my current job) who it's nice to keep loose contact with but I wouldn't call real friends. None of my RL friends (who live in the same country as me) are friends of mine on FB - what's the point of that? we see each other in RL!

I too don't post much but enjoy seeing updates from family and distant friends in other time zones where there's not much opportunity to connect daily.

It depends how you use it as to how annoying it us. It's totally up to you.

As for Twatter Twitter - once again it depends how you use it - if you use it like a news feed for things of interest then it's a good resource!

It sounds like a half decent idea that's turned into a bag of shite to me.
Whenever I hear someone talking about using FB it's to discuss some angst, tiff, argument, grudge or generally badmouth someone.

Not pleasant.

I deleted my fb account a year ago, only you can't delete, you can only deactivate. How sinister is that!
I see my nearest and dearest in RL and send personal emails to friends abroad.
I don't understand some of my friends with 200 plus friends and posting every minute detail of their lives. Dull dull dull!

I joined Facebook in about 2007 & quit a year later. Hated it for all the reasons you describe. I was suffering from PND & what got me was the artifice - everyone put a pretty/funny/cool profile pic on & that's what you end up communicating 'with' or through. It's all well & good wen you're feeling buoyant yourself, but when you're low, you go on there & you can't 'see' anyone else who looks upset or insecure (because no-one would ever post a ic of themselves that way) so it just perpetuates & exacerbates those feelings of isolation & depression. That's my two cents & it's why I've never regretted quitting.

FB did cause me a lot of angst. I never thought it would, but it did. I saw a side of some "good friends" that was perhaps latent or hidden otherwise. Like the one who used to say she could never e-mail or send a photo because she didn't have a PC at hand, but was all the time posting crap on FB.

Bangon, so true what you're saying. It's OK if you're always upbeat and full of yourself, but I have suffered from depression and anxiety in past and FB only made me feel a lot worse about the world we live and the way we connect with people.

Haven't heard from anybody there yet asking about me after deleting .That probably explains a lot why I should have done it ages ago.

Mine is a bit like this too. I hid the most annoying people.