So DP saw and read part of [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1696764-DP-away-for-the-weekend-and-didnt-miss-him-at-all this thread]]

[Kione]

this thread
After a long and upsetting chat I realised I have to focus on the positives that we have, so... has anyone been in a similar situation and came out the other side happy and succesfully?? please I need positive and happy stories!! been reading about breakups too much!

I am not sure why you 'have to focus on the positives'? Are you saying you want to stay together?

I wonder if you need couples counselling to talk it all through. It must have been hard for him to read, I looked at your posts and you were pretty clear about not being in love. That can be sorted but not by sweeping it under a carpet.

When you say he was very upset, what did he say? How did the conversation go?

he wont consider relationship counceling. He didnt read it all and I apologise to him as yes, we want to stay together. I explained my feelings and he understands, he really wants me to fall in love with him again. He was so lovely last night, had a bottle of wine and relaxed together and it wad great so I really really want to make it work

Why won't he consider relationship counselling? That doesn't sound wise on his behalf,surely to make it work you need to really get to the bottom of all this and be able to understand and work together.

he doesnt want to or feel the need of talking to a stranger about it. I understand he is shy and that type of personality.

And now he's going to see this one too!
You can go to relationship counselling on your own. I went when my marriage was in trouble. It can be very helpful for you to understand your own place in the relationship and help you to explore your feelings more ie to try to focus on the positives of your relationship.

Isn't he saying "I see you're upset but I don't want to do anything about it. Have some pinot and let's pretend you're not upset so I can do as I please"?

no he is doing lots to get bus better, he didnt just give me some pinot he doesnt feel comfortable talking to strangers and I accept that! counselling is not for everyone

I tried to go on my own but drs recommended relate, been to relate before and theybsaid they needed both of us to go so I stopped. He doesnt want to go near Mumsnet ever again, plus I told him I was going to post this as I was looking fir pisitive stories of people that conquered their issues abd are now happy

sorry touch phone spelling

I am surprised to hear Relate said that to you, it is quite common for one person to go alone when a partner refuses to go.

they started seing me slone but said that it wouldnt work as good as if we both rent, then the bloke ( and I asked to talk to.a woman because there where sex issues involved) said he was going to be off and sold me a book to read while he was away. I wasnt happy with this so returned the book and stopped going. It wasnt working, I didnt feel confortable and they kept ssying that ideally DP should be there

I don't know what to say. If you feel counselling is needed, which you must have done to seek counselling in the first place, then it is not really very helpful of your DH to say no. I think you could seek individual counselling, try Relate again, with a female if you prefer.

no I dont feel counselling is needed now as the sexual issues have been sorted and DP and I talk about our problems openly. I came asking for positive stories just to confirm that it can be done, that couples do get over their issues and live happily